Desperate Housewives
Could I Leave You?

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Could I Leave You?
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Previously: remember last week? Then you're fine.

This week, the MAVO montage is all Gabby. "Gabrielle Solis," MAVO tells us, "had always been a demanding shopper. And whatever the purchase, she always expected the very best." Flashback on a delivery guy dropping off a box MAVO tells us is full of "exotic perfumes shipped over from Paris." Same delivery guy, different day, different box; this time it's a "high-fashion gown straight from a runway in Milan." And then again he's at the door with a whole stack of shoe boxes (and they're actual shoe boxes -- not cardboard shipping boxes -- which have been taped shut in a haphazard way that no postal organization would ever allow, but I nitpick). These, MAVO tells us, are "designer shoes flown in from Manhattan."

Back in the now, Gabby is waiting anxiously at her front door. Carlos comes down and they kiss and smile at each other with eager anticipation. Today is the day they meet the birth mother of their baby! Together Gabby and Carlos open the door with Christmas-morning thrill. And there, waiting for them, is That Guy Sleaze, the lawyer, with a pregnant woman. The woman is, how you say..."totally gnarly"? As in phenomenally over-the-top, "Have fun storming the castle!" gnarly: she's got the unibrow, the blotchy skin, the horrible moles, the Halloween-store teeth, and the greasy, home-bound hair with random chunk pulled back into a scrunchie. It's as if a seventh-grader were given free rein of a makeup kit and told to make this woman look like a dirty witch. A dirty pregnant witch. Who never, ever flosses. HILARIOUS! So Gabby gets a look at the dirty, mole-riddled, unibrowed witch, and her face freezes into a brittle, trapped-animal grimace of a smile. MAVO, with her patented insane glee, quips that, regarding this particular transaction, shop-savvy Gabby has a "problem the manufacturer."

Inside, the foursome sip lemonade as the dirty witch enthusiastically gushes that she's just hoping to give her baby to "people who have what it takes to be great parents." Carlos jumps to assure the woman of how great he and Gabby will be as parents, but Gabby's a little distracted, and totally misses her cue to back Carlos up in his rah-rah-ing. Carlos shoots her a look, and Gabby excuses them and drags Carlos out on to the front porch, where she informs him that under no circumstances will they adopt a baby with dirty-witch genes! Carlos, to his credit, doesn't immediately know what Gabby's talking about, but then it sinks in: "Oh my god, are you trying to say that you don't want Deanna's baby because she's plain?" And the way he says "plain" like that, such a polite and sensitive term for the heavy-handed fright-mask monster within, makes me love him just a little. Gabby, however, finds the term too anemic for the circumstances: "'Plain' I can handle! Carlos, since that woman has walked into our house, the clocks have stopped working." Carlos points out that there's no way of knowing what the baby's going to look like, and for all they know, the dirty witch's baby might grow up and win "beauty contests." But Gabby's not buying what he's selling: "With her DNA? The only thing that kid's going to be winning is Best In Show." I'm not sure if you know this yet, but Gabby kind of sucks? Carlos puts his foot down, telling her he's not going to let her "shallow obsession with looks" mess up this opportunity. Yeah! Gabby is all "fine," but adds that when Carlos has to "cuddle and snuggle" a baby outfitted with Deanna's face, he can't "come crying" to Gabby. In other words, if they wind up with an ugly baby, Gabby refuses to hug or hold it? Awesome.

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Desperate Housewives

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