Desperate Housewives
Could I Leave You?

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Evany: B+ | 3 USERS: C+
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Could I Leave You?

Back at home, Danielle gets dropped off by a carload of friends. She walks in and calls out, but it appears as though no one is home. No one except...CALEB! Danielle finds him waiting for her in her room, and she's clearly totally freaked out. He stands and holds out a sparkly (stolen?) brooch. "Happy birthday," he says. Creepy Danielle tells him that he has to go home because if her "mom knew [he was] here, she'd freak." Caleb immediately starts getting all yell-y about why Danielle doesn't want to wear the pin, and then he kind of lunges toward her to, I guess, help her put it on? Danielle, who is understandably totally scared now, slaps the pin out of Caleb's hand and yells, "No! Didn't you hear me, you freak? Leave!" Uh oh. I know you're scared, Danielle, and I realize you might not know all of Caleb's story. And yet? Calling him a freak just goes against all that movies and television have taught us about how not to speak to potentially obsessive murderers. Caleb glares at her, and then he walks out. Good night, Danielle!

Veronica's weeping in her office when Lynette comes in to see what's wrong. Veronica tells her that everyone in the office can stand down; Donovan doesn't want her milk anymore. Lynette: "Already?" Oops! But then she saves the almost-spilt beans by immediately cooing sympathetically. She sits down and gives Veronica a nice little speech about how kids just have to grow up. And yet...that's not what's saddening Veronica. Really it's the fact that, with the end of the breastfeeding, away goes her treadmill chest. It's true! The real reason she's blue is because she's going to get fat! She doesn't care about IQs and third-world traditions at all; she just doesn't want to have to join a gym! As a reluctant gym subscriber who's never quite found that addictive exercise endorphin rush that people rave about, I completely sympathize with the gym dread. And yet, when the alternate is having a five-year-old suckle your nipples publicly, the gym sounds positively fantastic. Plus, they have a steam room there. You know, a sick part of me also wonders if the woman can't just switch to a breast pump? That would still burn the calories, and it would be way more socially acceptable than what she was doing before (she could just tell people she has a newborn at home). Plus, if what I learned on C.S.I. is true, adult-baby fetish people will spend a pretty penny to get their hands (and mouths) on bottles of real human milk. Just a suggestion! (I feel sick.)

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Desperate Housewives

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