Desperate Housewives

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M. Giant: A- | 638 USERS: C+
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Distant Past

Over shots of water containing appropriately symbolic flotsam, Mary Alice blathers about the mistakes of our past. This segues seamlessly into a close-up of a baptismal font at a Catholic church, where Carlos has asked Gabby to meet him. Now that it's too late and they're already deep into the cover-up to hide any involvement they had in Victor's death/disappearance, Carlos is having second thoughts. Apparently, it's just now occurred to him that people will notice that the mayor is missing. He wants to go to the police and plead self-defense, but Gabby shoots that idea right down, smacking Carlos upside the head in the process. He goes back to lighting a bank of candles, saying that he's praying for a miracle. Gabby says that since Victor would have killed them if he'd lived, they probably already got one. And then she flounces out of the church, right past the cleaning lady they'd better hope is deaf. The camera pulls in on the cleaning lady's bucket of mop-water...

...which segues to another ocean shot. And there's Victor, beached, either dead or unconscious. Surprised? If so, maybe Carlos isn't the only one who could use a bracing pop on the skull.

Mary Alice tells us that Mike hurt his shoulder last fall, and then got on pain pills, and stayed on them when the pain went away. Which fact he kept to himself. And now Mike calls his dealer, who is apparently a pre-med student, judging by his collegiate appearance and his budget for chemistry textbooks. Mike asks for an advance, but gets denied. Meanwhile, Susan watches out the window as Julie gets dropped off by her date, Derek, a disreputable-looking dude with a van. Susan lurks inside the front door, whipping it open just as Derek's about to score a goodnight kiss. Susan hauls her daughter inside and tells her that she checked out the date's website, and thus knows way more about Derek's piercings than Julie had better. Julie tells Susan to quit freaking out, and goes back outside for her kiss, leaving Susan to stew and think of ways to make this so much worse. I think Susan should be more worried about the van than the piercings.

It's bedtime at the Hodges', and Orson is less than thrilled that Bree has decided to try out "the family bed" concept with baby Benjamin. If you're not already up on this, it means that the baby sleeps between the parents. I'm not going to invite any grouchy emails by weighing in on the issue one way or the other, but it's plain that Orson isn't down. "What if I roll over and crush him?" he asks before turning out the light. "Don't," Bree orders. Wow, Orson, if that didn't work, nothing will.

Desperate Housewives