Desperate Housewives

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Distant Past

Lynette is up late, working her way through the "dive bars" section of the Yellow Pages looking for her mom. Lying in bed next to her, Tom tells Lynette that she and her sisters have reason to resent Stella, and that Lynette needs to stop feeling guilty. That gets her to turn off the bedside lamp for about two seconds before turning it back on and getting back to flipping through the book. "The morgue is listed under government offices, right?" she asks. Sure, now she's worried.

The cops have shown up at Gabby's house, just as expected. I think they're gong to arrest her on sight for the crime of combining that denim skirt with that brown satin top, but they're less interested than Gabby's appearance than in Victor's disappearance. Especially since his boat's been found floating in the bay. Gabby tells the detectives that she told Victor she was leaving him, and "hopes" he didn't do anything desperate. But the detectives suspect foul play, since there wasn't a single fingerprint on the whole boat, meaning someone wiped it down. "Whoever was on that boat is clearly not that bright," one of them understates. The detectives assure Gabby that they'll find out exactly what happened to Victor. "...Great," she chokes.

Susan comes home to a note from Julie saying she's at the mall with Pierced Derek. Susan's still grumping about that when she answers a knock on the door. It's Mike's dealer, Barrett, looking for Mike. He happens to mention that he's pre-med, and -- dingdingding! We've just figured out how Susan is going to make the Julie situation worse, as she decides on the spot to set her daughter up with her husband's drug dealer. Genius.

Orson comes home for lunch, bitching that his inability to sleep in "the family bed" is affecting his work. "How is a dentist supposed to feel when he can't give a ninety-year-old a lifetime guarantee?" he whines. He points out that it's not like Bree and Rex did this with Andrew. Who, by the way, is just returning with Orson's plate from the oven, and seems to take exception to Bree's last remark. Bree says that she's just trying to learn from her mistakes, and suggests warm milk to help Orson sleep. Orson TMIs that one thing that used to help him sleep is now off the menu. "Can the mistake have the salt?" Andrew asks. Orson announces that he's sleeping in the den tonight: "I either need to sleep or get lucky tonight. I'll have a better shot at both if I'm alone." Aaand, thanks for sharing that.

Susan has invited Barrett inside her house for the hard sell on Julie, and is making a huge dork of herself, per usual. Barrett gets a call from another customer, but Susan's off checking the laundry, so she doesn't hear what he's saying. After he hangs up, he tells Susan that he has to go, and Susan shows him out, inviting him to return tomorrow. And who knows -- Julie might even be there. He calls her "Mrs. Delfino," and she asks him to call her "Mom." Cringe. "Because...that's what all the kids call me," she adds. Barrett is going to wonder who Susan's dealer is.

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Desperate Housewives

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