Desperate Housewives
Don't Look At Me

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Don't Look At Me

Cut to Gabby's sporty sports car taking one of Wisteria's corners at, like, 70 MPH. As the "watch out, abandoned infant" music burbles gaily, Gabby tears upstairs, screaming "Mommy's coming!" Turns out giant baby Lily is just lying peacefully there in her bassinet, which is either very lucky...or the soothing effects of the blood of Satan that she may or may not have coursing through her. Gabby coos how sorry she is, and kisses the huge devil baby again and again.

Later, Carlos arrives home unexpectedly because his "interview got cancelled." So does this mean this is the day after Carlos and Gabby fought over who would get up to attend this baby? Or maybe this is just another round of interviews. Whichever! Gabby is upstairs doing yoga with Lily cradled in a sling. Carlos offers to take the baby, but Gabby refuses, and Carlos looks all happy, mistaking the sweaty clinginess that comes from great disaster narrowly averted for the beautiful and natural bonding of a mother and child.

Susan struts into a ballroom decorated with blue and white balloons and a huge banner reading "Happy Bar Mitzvah, Neil." Karl is there, listening to the band play, and he rushes over to her and says, "Bridezilla's got me auditioning wedding bands." Ugh, poor Edie. Karl asks Susan what she thinks of the band, and Susan stares at him like he's gone crazy: she thought there was some kind of emergency? Susan turns to go, but Karl grabs her, insisting that there totally is an emergency: "I need to have somebody to dance with, so I can see if these guys have the power to help me get my groove on." Karl does some embarrassing dad dancing, and Susan stands there, huffing. Karl signals to the band, and they immediately downshift into "You Are So Beautiful." Susan, giving him a look: "That was not a coincidence." He shrugs, spins her around, and makes crush-eyes at her while he says, "This was playing the night we first kissed; it's our song. Remember?" Susan in fact does remember. And you know what else she remembers? Edie. Susan says she keeps trying to figure out whether Karl's really changed, but really he's just that "same weak coward who walked out on [her] three years ago." In Susan's very own first act as a grownup, she turns, and walks out that door.

Early morning. CreePaul is asleep in bed until some sort of disturbing flapping noise outside his window wakes him up. He and Zana, wearing their cute little matching jim-jams, stumble outside, and discover that exterminators have tented their house. Felicia appears in her slippers and robe, and she pretends to be embarrassed about lining up the men with deadly gases with the wrong address (but really if she thought exterminators were coming, she wouldn't be still wearing her sleep gear, so it's all clearly a ruse). At this point, CreePaul totally snaps. He gets right up in Felicia's face and yells, "These little mind games are going to stop RIGHT NOW!" Felicia leans in, and very, very softly -- so softly that neither the exterminators nor the gathering crowd of neighbors can hear -- she says, "What are you going to do, blow out your brains like your wife did?" At that, Creeps totally loses it: he grabs Felicia by her collar, and shake-shake-shakes her. And she plays it up for all she's worth. Once the exterminators manage to get Paul away from her, she says to the gathered crowd, "Did you hear that? He assaulted me!" So that was her plan? Riding and riding him until he attacked her? Somehow that's a little cruder than what I've come to expect from Felicia.

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Desperate Housewives

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