Cut to Lynette, sitting on the floor next to Parker. She's drawn some stick figures, which she's now using as her anatomy models: "And then the mommy and the daddy, because they love each other so much, they HUG, real TIGHT, and a seed is magically implanted. And nine months later, a baby is born." Tada! Parker, looking very suspicious, wonders, "What kind of seed?" Lynette brushes him off, claiming it's "not important." Parker: "I don't believe you." Lynette indignantly reminds him that she's his mother, and that mothers don't lie. He keeps staring at her suspiciously until Lynette nudges him with her elbow, and tells him it's time for him to go wash his hands, "or Santa's not going to bring [him] anything for Christmas." But...! She just...! Oh, parenting: so ripe for irony.
Susan, looking like hell reheated, knocks frantically on Edie's door. Karl -- who, on the other hand, looks fresh and super-cut -- answers the door wearing nothing but a towel. Apparently, Susan just saw Edie leave, so she raced over to babble-screech at Karl for "mauling [her] in Edie's bed last night." Wait a second, last night? That is so not possible. First of all, if the engagement party was just last night, then where is the cane that Susan was hobbling around on so ridiculously? Also, Carlos and Gabby were at that engagement party when they had to take off to go see their baby get delivered. So that means the stripper delivered her baby, the Gabloses kidnapped said baby, the Gabloses got caught for the kidnapping, and then they went to court and were awarded temporary custody, all in less than twenty-four hours. Oh Fairview. Karl: "What's there to talk about? I'm just a fool in love." Susan flaps her arms and caws. Karl admits that maybe his "timing is a little off," and one of Susan's flappers bumps into a balloon that's limply floating in the living room, and she crows that indeed his timing is off: "The helium hasn't even gone out of the balloons from his engagement party!" Susan sighs to the couch, and asks when Karl's going to announce to Edie that the wedding is off. Karl asks her if it really is, Susan asks him if it really is, and they go back and forth, snappy-'30s-dialogue-style, until finally it dawns on Susan that Karl won't call off his marriage to Edie unless Susan gives him the green light. Karl: "Just give me a commitment, Susie Q, and I'll put a bullet in Edie." Ew...that isn't the nicest term for that? Susan calls Karl's reasoning "insane," and he opens his arms wide, all the better for Susan to feast her eyes on his manly vista, as he tells her that "all this could be [hers] again." All Susan has to do? Karl: "Say the word [he moves to undo his towel], and I let go." Susan drops one of her patented "Don't you dare!" speeches. Karl laughs evilly, and Susan shrews that he's "sick" and stomps out. It's sad how fast Karl went from mildly likeable all the way back to mondo repulsive. It's times like these that I kind of can't stand Desperate Housewives; it's like a fancy car being driven by someone who just cannot drive stick. The show has this fleet of amazing actors and toothsome plot beginnings but then it totally undercuts it all via unnecessary character sabotage and poorly considered timelines. Dumb!