Desperate Housewives
Don't Look At Me

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Don't Look At Me

Gabby marches over to Carlos and says, "Put. Down. The. Burrito." Which is funny? Then she fires off some hot-pepper Qs about what, exactly, Carlos means by "this crap" about how she's going to have to take care of her baby, unassisted. Carlos crabs that babies need to bond with their mothers: "The church knows it, science knows it, nature knows it." Let me get this straight: all this time, Carlos has been saying he wants a baby, but what he really wanted was to stick his wife with a baby? Gabby argues that if she's properly rested and relaxed, she's going to make a better mother. Carlos, standing up, and yelling now: "You want to be a better mother? Do what my mama did: make sacrifices. My mama worked her fingers to the bone for me!" Gabby: "And that's what put her in an early grave!" Huh? Gabby marches off, and Carlos stares after her, nonplussed. As an afterthought, she turns back around and clarifies lamely, "Well...that and the whole hit-and-run thing." We hang on their reaction shots (Carlos=puzzled, Gabby=cringed) just a little too long here, making it seem like something important just went down. Wait, I kind of don't get it: was that supposed to be, like, a slip-up? As in, did Gabby just accidentally reveal that she knows the real reason Mama Solis got hit and run over? I guess if you call snapping photos of her son's wife having sex with a teenaged gardener as a way of working "fingers to the bone"? But the connection is a too oblique to be incriminating. Now I=puzzled, too.

Down at the House of Awkward Intervention, Bree, Andrew, Eleanor, and Bogamil are sitting around the table, sipping coffee. Bogamil is laying down the law: he doesn't care who did what to whom, but now it's time for Andrew and Bree to "kiss and make up." He proposes that they do so by implementing a technique from a "Dutch therapist" he saw on television, whose whole theory is that if people "verbalize forgiveness, the brain can trick the heart into letting go of resentment." Eleanor chimes in that the approach worked really well for her and her "cleaning lady." Bree tries to beg off, claiming that her problems with Andrew are perhaps a tad more complicated, but Bogamil interrupts to guilt her: "Would it kill you to at least try?" Andrew, playing the part of a baby angel, enthusiastically volunteers, effectively cornering Bree. So she agrees to make up, Dutch-style. Andrew and Bree exchange pledges of forgiveness with the forced delivery of a Welch's Juice kid; then they just keep staring at each other with huge, soul-eating smiles plastered across their lying faces. Bogamil smiles hugely, and tells them that they might not feel it right away. Eleanor: "It took me a week to forgive Esperanza." Bogamil: "But now she's like family again." Eleanor, from behind her coffee cup: "Family who stole from us." Bogamil lets that slide, since he's so happy that now they can put all the "nonsense about emancipation" behind them. As it dawns on him that he's no longer in the money, Andrew starts to look uncomfortable. Meanwhile, Bree is all glee. Andrew stutters that he's still going to need access to his trust fund, because he can't keep on living in a house where he doesn't "feel safe." Bogamil is confused, so Andrew spells it out for Gramps: "Well, could you live with a woman who hits you?" Bree slams down her coffee cup and explains that it was just one slap, and that "he deserved it." Andrew, in his very best manipulation voice: "I just asked her to stop drinking." Bogamil is question marks. Eleanor elucidates that Bree's actually in AA, and that"her sponsor has long hair." Bree: "Andrew, I find your concern ironic, given how tanked you were when you ran over our neighbor's mother with your car." Yes, finally that comes out! Eleanor, all concerned and confused: "Is she okay?" Bree, with sinister glee: "She's dead!" Light 'em up, Bree! Andrew desperately counters with the tidbit about how Bree watched the suicide of George -- who, incidentally, was the same guy who "killed Dad." Hey, why weren't the Bogamils at Rex's funeral, anyway? Bree, her voice up in the rafters: "Andrew falsely accused me of molestation! In a MALL." Wheeee! Andrew and Bree seethe with arms crossed, and Bogamil mutters something about how the "technique works best if you don't talk right away."

Karl has sent Susan a bunch of red roses, and Julie is not amused. With obvious displeasure, Julie reads the note that came with the flowers: "Say the word, and I am yours. Karl." Susan tries to pretend that the feelings are only on Karl's side, and Julie performs a classic "Yeah, right" eye-roll, and tells Susan that she's not going to go to the movies with her. Susan is sad that she has to go alone. Julie: "You could always ask Dad to go. In fact, if you love him so much, why don't you marry him? Oh right, you already did. TWICE!" Zing!

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Desperate Housewives

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