This week, the Gaby's-a-bad-mom story continues when Juanita says the f-word during a Thanksgiving pageant, and the principal tells Gaby she's a bad mother. Gaby pulls Juanita out of school, but when there are no private school openings, she ends up home-schooling. And Juanita ends up agreeing with her old principal's assessment that her mom sucks. Poor kid. Speaking of kids, Tom's acting like one, driving drunk kids home and giving them kegs for their parties. Lynette thinks he's partying with the college kids, but he's actually doing them favors because they let him cheat on a test. When Lynette confronts him, he says it's no different than her lying to Carlos and Gaby about being pregnant. Good point, show, except that it totally is different.
Bree's falling fast for Karl, but when she tries to call it off, he gives her a brooch that belonged to his grandmother. She wears it to Susan's, who recognizes it as her own. Bree's mad that Karl took it from Susan, making her think she lost it, so she tries again to end things with him. Then he proposes. She tells him to become a better Karl and then she'll think about it. Orson goes to the antique shop where Bree says she bought the brooch, and the guy tells her all they sell is furniture. Uh-oh. The jig might be up for the most disturbing affair in the world.
Katherine's still a nutcase, but bribes Susan into being her friend. Until she tries to seduce Mike under the guise of having a plumbing problem. She and Susan get into a fight in the bathtub and Susan says they hate her again. Katherine's trying to be buddies with Angie, and keeps walking in on her. First, she's looking at a picture she says is of her mom, who's dead. Then she's on the phone with someone she calls "Ma," but she tells Katherine it's Nick's mom. But she spoke Italian, and Katherine calls her out on it, ever-so-sweetly but with that trademark insanity lurking just below the surface. So Angie goes to Susan and tells her how dangerous she is, and that she might have attacked Julie think she was Susan. Which is what I've thought happened all along, but now they're making me think it must have been Angie, since she's spinning this story.
Previously: Deb called Gaby a bad mother. Lynette got a promotion and didn't tell Carlos she's pregnant. Susan shot Katherine with the Bolens' gun that's under their "real" name, whatever that is. So Angie convinced Katherine to take the high road to win Mike back.
Mary Alice begins that Bree Hodge has a problem: She didn't want to fall in love with Karl. She's appalled by his table manners (we watch her watch him messily eat), his personal ethics (he parks in a handicapped space), and his wandering eye (he stares at a waitress's boobs while he's out to lunch with Bree). Every transgression elicits a gawk from Bree, followed by a "What?" from him. Bree didn't want to fall for Karl Meyer, says Mary Alice, but she knew she was starting to, so she knew the time had come to leave. Bree approaches Karl, who asks what's with the serious face; is she dumping him? She sits down and says, "Karl." He realizes she actually is dumping him. She says they both know it won't last forever, so they should end it now before someone gets hurt. He protests that they're getting closer and she says that's the problem. She thought that her disdain for his vulgarity and lack of scruples would keep her from falling for him, but against all reason, it's happening. She doesn't want to fall for a man she's not even sure she likes. Karl, hurt, is like, "I'm glad no one's going to get hurt." Karl agrees to be done, but has a present for her. He pulls out a jewelry case, and she opens it to see a brooch inscribed "To my dear and beloved Irene." He says that's his grandmother, who willed it to him since she had no granddaughters. She told him he'd find the perfect woman to give it to someday and now he has. Bree looks touched, as Karl goes on that he didn't plan on falling for her, either, and he doesn't blame her for wanting out. But, for what it's worth, he loves her. Mary Alice says that, in that moment, Bree knew the time to leave Karl had come. She kisses him. And gone. Title card.
Mary Alice Voiceover continues: Ann Peterson was the principal of Fairview elementary, and she believed in rules. We see Mrs. Peterson in her office followed by signs. She used them to teach hygiene (sign: "Brush your teeth every day). To control behavior ("Chewing gum is not allowed.") And to instill order ("No running in the hallway.") Yes, Mrs. Peterson believed in rules (we see Mrs. Peterson standing next to a "No cell phones allowed in auditorium" sign). She also believed that those who didn't follow them should be punished. She takes a grown man's cell phone away and then we see Gaby and Carlos sitting in front of said man. Carlos holds a video camera up and asks Gaby if there's anything she'd like to say before Juanita performs. Gaby: "Let us pray." He tells her Juanita's going to see this, but she assures him this isn't footage he's going to want to share. She knows because she's tried working with Juanita on this performance, but Juanita's "talent-free." Carlos says she's only seven; "How bad can she be?" Oh, Carlos, haven't you ever watched TV? You never ask questions like that. Gaby's already chosen a child from the program to pretend is theirs: Paige Glover. Carlos looks horrified at her. The pageant beings with a little boy pilgrim saying he's Miles Standish. Then pilgrim Juanita steps forward and says her line pretty well, until she flubs "religious persecution" and instead says, "religious perskacootion." She smiles sweetly, but everyone laughs. Carlos wonders which one is Paige Glover. Juanita tries again: "religious perspacaution." Gaby whispers that she wrote it on the back of the corn Juanita's holding, so Juanita looks and then: "perska... prossa... oh..." Mary Alice jumps back in and tells us that Juanita said a choice four-letter word at that moment. Everyone in the auditorium gasps. Gaby says she didn't write that on the corn, then puts on sunglasses and hunkers down.