Oh, Andrew. I miss Andrew. He got married, put on a shirt identical to Paul's, and now we never hear from him. But he's had it with Lynette's bullshit: "For the third time, no. I'm not gonna sell my house to Paul Young." Lynette apologizes -- "I just had to make sure" -- in a totally fake way, because you know her ass is going to come zooming back around to him in an hour, and Andrew's like: "Do you really think that I would let dangerous ex-cons move in next to my own mother?"
Yes. Yes I do. Also, a dangerous ex-con was just invited to live with your own mother by your own mother. This show is so stupid. Lynette reminds us that Andrew was evil before, but he's "all grown up now and so very nice," you know, except for the last time we saw him, when he was evil about his half-brother. And the time before that. And the time before that.
Brent Ferguson, President of the Hydrangea Circle Homeowners Association, comes walking up. Is he from Eureka? Is that where he's from? Anyway, he's pretty tall and pretty built and pretty gay, from what I can tell. Maybe that's how Hydrangea Circle rolls. Maybe the wussy/crazy nature of homosexuals on Wisteria Lane isn't just about awful stereotypes but a coincidence, and all the normal gay people are on Hydrangea Circle. Like there are normal people anywhere in Fairview.
"Last year we had a similar scare on our street. Some old hippie wanted to open up a drug rehab center on our block!" Yeah, and then they beat the shit out of him. "He made the mistake of mouthing off to one of my neighbors who's an ex-Green Beret, newspaper made it sound way worse than it was... You say the word, and I will have the Homeowners Associations of ten different streets here to back you folks up. Whoever's trying to open up this halfway house, we could really scare the hell out of them!"
...So no, the gays on Hydrangea Circle are pretty much the same. Just paramilitary. Got it.
Remember how Susan couldn't remember what a phone looked like so she had to borrow Lynette's and Lynette pretended that long-distance charges still existed? Yeah, so Susan gets on the Skype with old Mike Delfino, who pretty much starts jerking off immediately because his choices of lady up in Alaska are moose and snowmen-ladies. But Susan is waaaay too classy for that kind of thing, don't you know, and besides, all she really wants to do is talk about how Renee drunkenly admitted to being in love with Tom Scavo, her employer and sometime-friend Lynette's husband. (I know you know who he is, I just wanted to point out how very many people in this scenario are not Susan versus how many of the people in this scenario are Susan, because the answer is three to zero.)