Desperate Housewives

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Grace Is Gone & The Bears Are Coming

Lynette's made her way all the way back around to Mitzi's house where, even though they all know she's not home, Lynette's pounding on the door anyway. The fear and paranoia of Lynette starts to create this entire narrative about how Mitzi has sold her house and disappeared so she won't be there for the riot. Which, Lynette's whole HUAC thing this week is pretty gross, but most especially because last week she was the one staring judgmentally at everybody in slow motion, clicking her tongue about how Paul Young was making everybody act... exactly like she acts this entire episode.

To the point where it's the punchline of the story, when Lynette "rescues" Lee by screaming HE IS MY NEIGHBOR, and it's supposed to be so meaningful. Except all she does is remember something she knew a second ago. Anyway, she stops harassing the empty house of Mitzi Kinsky long enough to harass Lee -- who is dressed like a goddamned clown -- about her made-up theory of Paul Young and how she thinks Lee is to blame for everything. "You didn't think it odd, him buying all these houses on one street?"

Think it odd, Lee did not. He thought it not odd. "He was paying me commissions, what am I supposed to do? Complain?" And to whom? Lynette -- despite having a moment ago been creeped out by the intimidation tactics of Hydrangea Circle -- gives Lee the business. "I'm sure in time people will forget you had anything to do with this. But Lee, if he finds a way to open that house, I don't think anyone on this street will ever forgive you." And you've already got the gay thing happening, so...

Paul calls Lee to explain, "You're dressed like a small-town's substitute teacher's imaginary version of an antiques dealer in SoHo. You look ridiculous. You look like Willy Wonka got dressed in the dark by a quirky lesbian. You are wearing a sixties floral-print shirt and a military-cut jacket over it that has epaulets. With wooden buttons. Do you have any idea how embarrassing you are? All I want to do is bring ex-convicts to Wisteria Lane. You want to take what few ideas these people have about fashion and twist them into madness. Who's the real villain here?"

Anyway, Paul talks Lee into selling the gay house to him, lying that Mitzi Kinsky sold already so the point is moot. So now the neighborhood is going down in flames, and Bob and Lee will get out before that happens -- which is like Paul's apology to him for making everybody hate him. Except why would Paul just call you in the middle of the day to make that offer if that were true? Wouldn't you say, "Prove that this happened or else your plan is really fucking obvious"? And why is Lee so continually stupid, and how can Paul have possibly tricked him eight times with the exact same trick? And how did Mitzi accomplish this without Lee, who is the only real estate person in Fairview? And is this really the cop-out answer to "Who is going to betray the whole Lane?" Nobody really, just the power of stupidity. And how can the gay ones sell their house and sign off on it and escrow and whatever, when the riot is in like an hour?

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Desperate Housewives

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