Talk turns to Gabby's Salt and Pepper Sex And The City boyfriend, whom apparently Gabby is fixing to dump. Edie, puzzled: "Why? He's rich, he's gorgeous, he's probably going to be mayor..." But Gabby claims he's "too arrogant." And again I cry bullshit. Since when has Gabby had issues with arrogance? Especially when it comes attached to sacks of money? Edie offers to take the mayor-to-be off Gabby's hands (and into Edie's sex-deprived clutches...if three weeks can be considered "deprived"), but Gabby scoffs that Edie can't possibly be that "hard up." Again: huh? S&P isn't exactly the most well written character on the show, but he certainly isn't below Edie's standards. And Edie agrees: "Did I mention my gardener was sixty-two?" They walk into Gabby's house and spot the Niagara Shitstorm, which is now trickling down into the foyer. Gabby races upstairs to her closet and cuts loose with a keening howl when she spies all her precious outfits, which are all almost assuredly Dry Clean Only.
Scavoria. Lynette walks in, and Tom immediately pounces on her for not wearing her new uniform, which is just a basic orange t-shirt with an innocuous logo across the front. Lynette does a sad job of pretending she forgot it at home, but luckily Tom just happens to have an extra. Lynette tries to convince Tom that maybe the two of them should be exempt from the t-shirt-wearing, since they're the owners, but Tom holds firm, even though Lynette totally "hate[s] orange." Really? REALLY? This is what passes for plot on this show these days? Tom and Lynette can't agree on the color of the company t-shirts? That is rich, rich material. Maybe they could spin off their own show? And each week, it'd be like a completely different color, or maybe the shirts would have long sleeves!
Back to Edie of the sex-repellant white cargo shorts. As she walks home from Gabby's, we see that she's paired the outfit of insanity with four-inch white and brown heels and a leopard-print tote. Right! As she passes by Carlos (and Mike's!) place, she spies her son out front, shooting hoops with Carlos. At just this ripe moment, Sweaty Carlos Austins off his top to reveal his hairy, chocolate bar stomach and B-cup pecs. Edie's eyes pop out of her head and heart-shaped steam rings puff out of her ears and her tongue rolls out like a red carpet and her vagina goes "A-HOO-DAH!"
Fire House. Lynn Redgrave has changed outfits, and Susan's ordered Chinese food, and the four of them sit down to a do-over lunch. Susan makes a show of putting Ian's mother in the good chair and taking "The Wobbler" for herself, commenting as she does so that she's in the process of saving up to buy a new set of chairs. Talk turns to Julie, and then to Karl (whom Julie's staying with, thus her absence). Ian's parents are confused; Ian had implied that Karl was dead and that Susan was a widow? Susan and Ian clarify that the marriage ended, thanks to Karl's "womanizer" ways. Lynn Redgrave overshares that adultery isn't something to leave a man over -- not when his guilt can be alchemized into sparkly jewelry. Lynn Redgrave, with her eyes on a grimacing Daddy Hainsworth: "Punish the sin, but love the sinner." Susan, trying to make light of things, says, "With Karl I was more, 'divorce the ass and seize the assets'!" Ian laughs at her quip, but his parents remain thoughtfully silent.