Desperate Housewives
Dress Big

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It's Getting Hot In Herre

How long has it been since last we spoke -- a whole month? (Oh my god, hi!) So long that maybe you forgot that Tom's back goes out whenever he's under the weight of any responsibility whatsoever? Or everything else that happened just in the last episode: Gabby is semi-reluctantly dating the Salt and Peppered politico from Sex And The City, and Edie's Snuffleupagus son finally made an appearance. Oh, and also Susan and Ian are still engaged, despite their complete lack of chemistry and the fact that Fate clearly still has plans for Susan and Mike.

After kinder-talking us through the Previouslies, Mary Alice gets the party started right by assuring us that the accident-afflicted Susan we know and love to hate is still alive and tripping. And Ian's got the bruises to show for it, HEY! Exhibit A: Susan manages to stab Ian with a thorny rose as they stand out in front of her house, waiting for his parents to arrive. Ian absently rubs his bleeding neck wound, and MAVO tells us, "If there was one thing Ian Hainsworth was sure of, it was that his love for Susan Mayer was indestructible. He knew this because it had been tested again, and again, and again." With each "again," we get a flashback: Susan jumping into Ian's arms with such violence that he collapses to the ground ass over high-teakettle, Susan rolling over in bed and slapping him in the face, Susan popping him right in the eye with the flying cork from a bottle of champagne.

Back in the now, a town car pulls up in front of Ian and Susan (the latter grinning and hopping up and down frenetically like a mentally deficient jack-in-the-box in need of urinary relief), and out step Ian's ultra-toffee-nosed parents (Mother Hainsworth being played by the one/only Lynn Redgrave, she of Weight Watchers and $100,000 Pyramid fame). Susan goes to hand the thorn-studded rose to Ian's mother, and Ian dives in like there's a grenade about to go off, shouting for his mother to be careful of the thorns. Lynn Redgrave rolls her eyes and dulcetly chastises Ian: she's heard the Poison anthem and knows all about the hazards of roses, thank you very much. After an awkward moment, Ian invites the 'rents inside for some lunch.

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Desperate Housewives

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