Desperate Housewives
Dress Big

Episode Report Card
Evany: C+ | Grade It Now!
It's Getting Hot In Herre

Brokeback Hospital. Lynette, looking frazzled around the gills, fields a call from Andrew, and she earnestly informs him that the Scavoria will be open tonight, same as always -- you bet your sweet, tight anchovies it will. "It's my job now," she says, her voice filled to the rim with woe and courage. The "Now I Get to Wear Whatever Color Tee I Please" music swells!

And it's MAVO wrap-up time! Scavo HQ. Lynette, wearing nothing but a bra -- hey, is this a record? Four out of five housewives shown in their skivvies, all in one episode? And the fifth (Bree) wasn't even in the episode (you'll notice she wasn't even mentioned, let alone seen) -- roots around in her closet. MAVO: "In every housewife's closet, there's an article of clothing that tells you more about its owner than she would want you to know. It might be a shirt that she despises," Lynette pulls down the dreaded orange tee, "but wears without complaint." So I guess Petty Officer Lynette is now Captain Hero, because she's opting to wear the despised tee? Whatever.

MAVO: "Perhaps it's some lingerie that she knows isn't hers, but refuses to discuss." Ian's mother discovers a huge lacy thong in her husband's pocket, her face an ice-mask of shame and hurt, and then crumples it up and returns it to the pocket from whence it came.

MAVO: "Or a dress she once loved that she can no longer bear to look at." S&P's ex-wife picks up the dress Gabby wore to the luncheon, now the last one hanging in the closet, and then returns it -- she's leaving it behind, it's just too tainted with regrets and Gabby vibes.

Over at Gabby's, S&P Victor hands gifts her a fancifloaty grey dress with sparkly trim. An Andari, perhaps? I get it, we're supposed to feel all gooey that these star-crossed lovers are finally giving it a go, and maybe I would if I hadn't spent the last 60+ episodes with a Gabby who clearly would have had no problem whatsoever dating the cocky asshole version of this man. Pffft.

MAVO: "Yes, you can learn about women from what they choose to wear. You can learn even more by what they choose to take off," Edie lies in bed, naked and dozing, "and WHO [sic] they take it off for." Carlos wiggles into frame and clamps into Classic Spoons behind her. Aw yes, it is ON! Except...

...coming up next week: Carlos and/or Edie is/are bad in bed!

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Desperate Housewives




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