It's all about judgment this week on Wisteria. First up is Gaby, whose being judged by all of the neighborhood mothers as an unfit parent. She has to pull out all the stops -- bounce house, clown, monkey -- to get the other kids to come to Juanita's birthday party. And then the monkey nearly kills the clown. But Carlos makes her feel better by pointing out that her negligence is the reason Juanita and Celia were the only kids not running and screaming: They've learned how to take care of themselves.
Lynette's also being judged, by Mrs. McCluskey's boyfriend, Roy. They give him a job doing some handiwork, and he won't listen to Lynette because he wants to make sure Tom, the man of the house, signs off on everything. He takes it too far by telling Lynette she's crushing Tom's walnuts, so she fires him. Tom then pays Roy a visit and lets him know that Lynette wants to control everything because it makes her feel safe after a rocky childhood. And he lets her have that, because it's his job to make her feel safe. Awwww.
Katherine's being judged by Susan (and vice versa), who finds out that she's not only hung up on Mike, but she's even been lying that he's hitting on her. Susan ends up making out with him in front of a neighborhood safety meeting for Katherine's benefit. Then Susan ends up accidentally shooting Katherine when she's lurking outside Susan's house in the bushes. She shoos her away with the gun Danny gave Julie to make her feel safe, sending the Bolens into a panic. That gun is registered to them under their real names, after all, and they don't want it to lead back to ... whatever they're hiding. Nick gets the gun, and Angie convinces Katherine not to call the cops. Oh, and Danny's still judging Nick for his affair with Julie, though he doesn't seem to be blaming Julie for much of it.
Finally, there's Bree, whose hotel maid is judging her for having an affair. At first, Bree's indignant, but after a heart to heart in which the maid admits to losing a good man by cheating on him with someone who was hot and fun (clearly not the same situation as Bree's), Bree admits she feels guilty every day. But the episode ends with Mary Alice telling us Bree has no intention of stopping what she's doing, so that was all pretty much pointless. But I'm not going to complain too much, because this was the funniest episode in ages.
Previously: Karl and Bree had an affair. Mrs. McCluskey got a boyfriend. Katherine went crazy. Julie was attacked, and Danny Bolen was suspected, so his mom told him where they keep the family gun. But Julie had secrets: She'd been dating Danny's dad, Nick.
We open on Gaby checking her mail and judging everyone around her: strangers' clothes, neighbors' lawns, and Bob and Lee fighting in their yard. Mary Alice tells us that we judge people all the time, never knowing that someday we might be the ones judged. Gaby walks back in the house as Juanita and a friend tumble to the bottom of the stairs in a suitcase. Gaby asks what she told Juanita about sliding down the stairs in a suitcase, and Juanita says, "Not to use the good suitcase." Heh. Gaby's like, "Right, but also not to do it at all." Just then the other girl's mom comes in and wonders how Gaby could let this happen. Gaby says they were playing, and she can't watch them every second, but the mother (Deb of One Tree Hill fame) tells Gaby she watches Juanita carefully when she's at her house, and basically that Gaby's a terrible, neglectful mother and she's not bringing her daughter over anymore. Which is fine with Gaby, since Juanita only invited Rachel over out of pity. Laura says Rachel won't be coming to Juanita's birthday party, either, and Gaby says that just leaves more cake for them. Laura takes her daughter and leaves, and Gaby yells after her that if she'd taught her daughter to tuck and roll on impact, they wouldn't even be having this conversation. Mary Alice tells us that, in addition to judging, we also tend to blame other for our mistakes. Opening titles.
Mary Alice narrates as Julie arrives home to a welcome-home party. She's greeted by children with signs (MJ), housewives with desserts (Lynette and Gaby), and old friends with flowers (some random twentysomethings). Also in the crowd was a new friend (Nick/Dominick), who came with an agenda. Inside at the party, Julie thanks some friends for coming and is left alone. Nick seizes the opportunity to accost her, and beg to go somewhere quiet to talk. She tells him that's not happening anymore. She calls him "Dominick" and tells him in no uncertain terms that it's over. Then she uses Mrs. McCluskey as an excuse to leave him. He looks over and sees that Danny saw the whole conversation. Danny takes off.