Desperate Housewives

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DeAnn Welker: A- | 1 USERS: A+
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Lynette's unloading groceries, when she checks the answering machine. There's a message for Tom from someone in admissions telling him the admissions exam is actually tomorrow morning at 8. Tom walks in with another load of groceries, and Lynette tells him that this whole going-back-to-school thing deserves celebration. She thinks they should go out for dinner and wine, but he actually thinks margaritas sound even better. Lynette thinks Tom and tequila is a great idea.

Back at the family reunion, Connie is about to make a statement about something. Gaby has to get a drink first to try to keep down one of the tamales. Connie says there's nothing more important than family, but she now has an announcement to make. She has battled a weak heart most of her life, and the doctor says she may have only a few months left. Gaby cracks her soda can and everyone glares at her. Connie continues that she's been taking care of her beautiful granddaughter, Ana, and wonders if anyone can help by taking her in. People speak up and say why they can't, and just as Carlos is about to volunteer Gaby interrupts him to say they should all think about it overnight. Connie agrees that's a good idea, and she won't judge anyone for not being able to help. Gaby says, "We love you, Aunt Connie," in a totally fake voice, and everyone claps. Carlos glares at Gaby.

Bree's making a salad in the catering kitchen when Orson comes in and pulls some chives out of the fridge. Bree asks what he's doing, and he says he's helping. She tells him she doesn't need help and her Parisian salad doesn't call for chives anyway. He tells her he's always thought it was bland, and that the chives will give it the bite it's sorely lacking. She says it has plenty of bite, but he starts chopping the chives. She asks when he's moving out, but he says he's actually not. He's decided to stay so they can work on their marriage. She tells him she gets that this is hard, but the marriage is over. He tells her that she might change her mind once she weighs what's at stake. He's not talking about the money, though, but her freedom. He says he's been to jail, and she won't last a day. She says this isn't insurance fraud because she never filed a claim, but he tells her he filed one in both of their names. He says that since she carelessly rented the storage unit in her own name, the police will find him blameless. She asks if he'd really send his wife to prison. He says not his wife, but definitely his ex-wife. He tells her he knows they've had their challenges -- her "penchant for emasculation," his kleptomania -- but that every marriage has an ebb and flow. Yeah, those are all ebbs, Orson. She asks him to please not do this, since she doesn't love him. He tells her that's okay, since he has enough love for the both of them. That is seriously messed up, but I can't decide if I hate Orson or Bree more at this point, so I don't really care. He sprinkles chives on her salad and says it's not bland anymore.

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Desperate Housewives

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