Bree arrives at Lynette's deposition, looking very pretty in a charcoal pencil skirt, satin chocolate brown blouse, and pearls. She also looks colossally nervous. Lynette (who, in another welcome tip of the continuity hat, is I think wearing her fancy white suit) has already been sworn in, so they start right up with the questions: "Isn't it true," Andrew's lawyer asks, "that while your children were in Bree's care, that she passed out drunk and allowed them to wander off into a downtown business district?" Lynette looks over at Bree, and then tells the lawyer, "My kids don't 'wander.' They scurry, like rats." Well, Lynette would know. Andrew and his lawyer look confused, and Lynette says something about how rats have the technology to escape through holes the size of quarters, which is a trick her ratty children also well know. Hey, Lynette's coming through for Bree! The lawyer starts to scramble: does Lynette hold Bree responsible for endangering the Ps? No, Lynette does not: "Bree Van de Kamp and I have known each other for a long time." Pause for the "Aw" music to swell. "I trust her completely. She's a wonderful friend, and a fantastic mother. She puts the rest of us to shame." Bree is all choked up. Andrew, on the other hand, is piping mad, and yells that Lynette's a total liar, et cetera. The lawyer motions for Andrew to hush, and then asks Lynette whether she thinks Bree has a drinking problem; Lynette lies that she doesn't think that she does. And yet, why did she line up all those bottles on Bree's stoop? the lawyer wonders. Lynette: "I was helping Bree with her recycling." Nice! The lawyer asks Lynette if he needs to remind her about "the consequences of perjury." Lynette, looking directly at Andrew, "No, you don't. In fact, I hate liars." Ah, so satisfying, the comeuppance of Andrew! And yet I'm not sure Lynette truly understands what it means to be on Andrew's shit list.
Hempy is getting out of his car when his phone rings: it's Bree, and she wants him to come with her to Edie's engagement party! Because there's nothing alcoholic sex addicts like more than a party full of strangers and booze while on the arm of a slippery slope. Ugh, Bree is kind of embarrassingly clueless and clingy in this scene. For some reason, she's gotten it into her head that with Hempy no longer her sponsor, they can totally hang out. Bree, like a crazy person: "They're having sushi [at Edie's party]. You like sushi, don't you?" Hempy tries again to brush her off, and Bree takes a big breath and says, "I just really need us to be friends. When I'm with you, I'm not myself, which is a good thing. I can relax when I'm with you, in a way that I can't when I'm with other people. With them, I have to pretend that I have it all together. But you know that I don't, so it's just so much easier. C'mon, it's just a dumb old party!" For a second, I think this impassioned plea is going to work and Hempy's going to cave, but it's just wishful thinking (and really it would be nice if Bree could find someone viable who didn't make her feel like she had to be perfect); Hempy harshly tells her never to call him again. Bree's face crumbles like...RuPaul's.