Desperate Housewives
Everybody Says Don't

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Everybody Says Don't

For a second, Hempy just sits there, looking like he's been tazed. But then something (un)snaps inside him, and he lunges at Bree, tears of his own shirt with one hand (which is kind of an amazing feat), and pushes her back onto the table. Knights and castles go flying, a vase full of tulips crashes to the floor, and the heels of Bree's pumps are digging into the dinner table. This from the woman who couldn't have sex with a burrito dripping nearby. Things look like they're about to get seriously serious, when suddenly Hempy regains his senses. He mumbles something about having to leave, and then he just takes off running. Bree yells after him, "But you forgot your shirt!" Hempy, wind-sprinting out the door, yells back, "Keep it!" MAVO: "And though she didn't know it, Bree had answered her own question: the easiest way to overcome one addiction is to replace it with another." Bree, still lying on the table, hugs Hempy's torn shirt to her face and inhales deeply like it's the world's sexiest Chablis cork ever. Uh oh.

Speaking of "temptation," according to MAVO, that's also the name of the club where stripper-mommy Libby works. MAVO informs us, using her very best Romper Room voice, that Temptation has a very loyal clientele, but that when they "cross a line" (we see a nebbishy man grabs a lapdancer's ass), they get "punished." And by "punished," MAVO means that a boyish bouncer comes up and mildly escorts the offender out of the club. Take that! "Punished," MAVO tells us, just like a "certain married couple was about to discover." Huh? The lapdancer sidles over to where Gabby and Carlos are sitting, and offers them a dance. Carlos hesitates, and Gabby shoots him a look until he politely declines. The Solises are there to give Libby a wrapped and bowed gift: it's a fancy camera she's been asking for. Gabby complains about all this pregnant-ass-kissing they've been going through, and Carlos sternly tells her that when it comes to getting their baby, they'll "kiss whatever needs kissing." Just then, Libby waddles up, and she is not pleased to see them at her place of work. She snatches the present and turns to leave, but Crabby snits about how much money they spent on the present, and that the "least [Libby] could do is open it so [Crabby and Carlos] could bask in [her] happy expression." Just then, the boyish bouncer comes over to ask if perhaps there's a problem. And indeed there is: it turns out the bouncy bouncer is actually the father of Libby's baby. What? But last week, Libby said she didn't know who the father was. Crazy.

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Desperate Housewives

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