Desperate Housewives
Everybody Says Don't

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Everybody Says Don't

Over at Susan's, Julie's packed and ready for a weekend with Karl. Susan eagerly volunteers to walk Julie over to Edie's house, but Julie isn't really thrilled by the idea because she doesn't want Susan running into Karl and getting all flirty again. Susan, by the way, is no longer in the ridiculous wheelchair (which...thank god, because based on Bree's sobriety schedule, at least three weeks have passed). Yet she's walking with a cane, and her hobbling is so pronounced, it's like a fetish (think Billy Idol post motorcycle crash), which is just so weird. Maybe Teri's heinous bunions are to blame? (Did anyone else see that "Grotesque and Deformed Feet of the Stars" feature in Star magazine, oh my god?) And while we're bashing her physical traits: I know we're all so very over the "look how skinny" talk, yet I just can't stop myself: Teri/Susan is looking so tired, her hair is so lank, her clothes are so drab, and yes, she is so skinny, I'm beginning to wonder if there isn't some kind of Thinneresque curse afoot here. Did Susan accidentally run over a gypsy while fellating someone in her car? That would be so like her. Susan admits to Julie that indeed she is "closer" to Karl these days: "The bitter hatred's settled into a respectful disgust."

Susan and Julie arrive at Edie's house, and Edie is out front, unloading a bunch of packages from her trunk. She is also wearing the weirdest sweater imaginable. First of all, it's white and gossamer-thin, so there's not a chance of missing the leopard-print bra glaring from underneath. There's also a leopard-print bow tacked onto the neckline of the sweater, along with some crafty stitch-weaving all around the neck. And? A strange swatch of faux leopard fur, which is tacked onto her right shoulder like the some kind of insane violin-playing pad. What? So anyway, all the packages Edie's unloading, they're for a surprise she's planning for Karl: she's throwing an engagement party tomorrow night. Isn't it a bit early for that kind of thing, seeing as he proposed to her just a few days ago? But that's not all! This party, it's also going to be a "surprise wedding," officiated by Edie's Pilates teacher, who has been "ordained over the internet." Susan is completely winded by the news, and just sort of stands there, carping for air. Edie, sarcastically: "Oh, you're so sweet! Thank you so much for your good wishes!" Edie turns to go inside, and Susan stammers out some warning about how Karl isn't really a fan of surprises, but Edie won't be dissuaded. She tells Susan to "keep [her] trap shut," and then announces that she's off to go get a wedding dress, and that it's going to be white, which will "be a surprise for everybody!" How can Edie not know what a bad idea a surprise wedding is? I thought she was good at men. Though if that sweater is any indication, it's clear she's taken complete leave of her senses.

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Desperate Housewives

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