Desperate Housewives

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1365 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
The Worms Play Pinochle

(Or at least the location where her face used to be.)

Mike: "Susan, you know how we talked about your terrible judgment and how whatever you think you should do, we should just plan to do the opposite?"
Susan: "Yeah, but this is different."
Mike: "How so?"
Susan: "Because martyrdom."
Doctor: "I don't give a shit what you do. Just get out of my office and stop talking about yourself. You're making me hate sick people."

(Bree tricks Andrew into going to an AA meeting. It's not hard to fool Andrew because he is drunk. When they get there, the leader of the group is Peter MacMillan, the AA sponsor whom both Bree and her son fucked back when this show was awesome. But apparently now his name is Tommy and he's a different guy, because this show's ADD and total opposition to continuity or quality have just reached a new low.)

Andrew: "My name is Elvis, and I am the son of a monster."
AA: "Hi, Elvis!"

(About five seasons' worth of characterization, not to mention a five-year jump within the narrative, all go flying out the window as Andrew and Bree's relationship history goes up in smoke and they both turn back into how they were when he was in high school. When this show was good.)

Glenn Morris, CEO of Morris Technologies: "Tom Scavo, that was some fun golfing we just golfed. Do you mind if I steal you out from under Carlos Solis, for whom you -- apparently -- work?"
Lynette: "That sounds great! I love being a stay-at-home mom who used to be an interior designer, so the fact that I'm a much better businesswoman doesn't enter into this conversation at all. Remember how Susan used to be a highly paid graphic artist?"
Everybody: "Nope!"

Glenn: "Anyway, Tom, would you like to be super rich?"
Tom: "We were just talking about that during the abandoned plotline with Lynette's mom. But no. No thank you."
Lynette: "If only there were a way to manipulate this situation while also undercutting my husband's masculinity at every turn. I sure hope I can teach him a lesson for his own good!"
The Universe: (Provides, with a single caveat: In the end, Lynette will be shown the error of her ways and once again learn that she is a useless bitch and only men matter.)

Desperate Housewives

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