Tom walks up just as his mother is rabbit-punching his wife in the face like a million dollar baby, and his very sad face is very sad. Allison sets up the whole Gaslight scenario -- "You're making me feel crazy!" -- but at this point her credibility is shot. She begs Tom to tell Lynette how she's sorry and never punches flappers in the face, but he can barely speak.

Since Beth's whole thing is a mystery -- and having forgotten so much of the Paul Young/Felicia Fingers/Mary Alice/Dana/Toybox/Mike/Other Old Lady scenario, probably even more of a mystery to yours truly -- I'll just transcribe her tearful conversation. Remember that the last time we saw her, Paul was throwing her virgin ass out of his house for not actually being his wife in any way. Also, note that the first shot in the scene is of a goldfish swimming around in an empty bowl, just like Beth is swimming around in the house of horrors that is Paul's life thanks to his condescending smarmy dead wife.

"It's okay, Mom, I'm here. Mama, that is what he said: 'I want you gone.' Those were his exact words. I am. I am trying to make it work, I swear! I do everything he asks of me. Maybe I should come home... But yes, I know I made a commitment. But I am so unhappy... Of course I want you to be proud of me! Okay, uh, I'll... I will, I'll try. Bye, Mama."

The gay one runs up yelling about his gay stilettos, and asks for the eleventh episode running if maybe this week Susan is interested in selling her house to Paul Young. I appreciate the attempt to be topical, but it seems really unsympathetic to make Susan the subprime storyline, because I mean of course... Well, we won't get into that, but you know what I'm saying. Don't buy things you can't afford. Don't be Susan in any other way either, but especially that. Susan is like, "Actually, I kicked him up out of there due to thumbtack violations. Well, and my innate need to bearbait everyone that could possibly hurt me." While they are having this conversation, in fact, Susan somehow manages to lock herself out of her house naked, stumble into a rose bush, and lose fifty more pounds. Just how she rolls.

Finally the obvious sinks in -- that Paul Young got her fired -- and Susan tosses her phone, and MJ, into her purse, and tosses the whole kit and caboodle at Lee before heading off at a clip. So now he's in drag as Marilyn Monroe, stumping around on stilettos, and carrying everybody's purse on Wisteria Lane. Luckily Mary Alice has exactly the retarded iambic monologue for this situation. "Purses: Every woman carries one, whether big or small, and they contain so much. Phones, children. Regret. Memories... But one thing you can count on in Wisteria Lane? The gay one's probably holding onto yours... And that's the kind of friendship you can't keep in a purse forever." Just nonsense, that woman. Utter goldbricking nonsense.