Desperate Housewives

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Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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Besmirched, Bollocksed & Befuddled

Instead of pointing out that he totally ambushed her by bringing his awful mother to come live with them, and meddle with Lynette's semblance of a parenting system, and cater to his every whim, and that they have a super creepy relationship that somehow traverses the innate shittiness of Baby Boomer guys and heads into Coming Of Age In Samoa territory, Lynette just makes more lists. "You think this is a tactic? The other day she made tea, then left the stove on for an hour!" Lynette points to the mounting tea-related evidence and suggests taking his mother to a doctor, which is where Tom draws the line.

"We will be denying my mother the urgent medical care she needs, and we will continue to endanger our children! End of discussion!" Which, first of all Lynette does not end discussions, ever, and secondly: You just ensured that if the evidence doesn't suffice, Lynette will totally end up framing Mommy with some kind of Gaslight scenario. Then, once she's made grandma look pathetic and crazy as possible, she'll wash her hands of the whole thing and demand some gratitude for once again helpfully ruining your life. Obviously. Maybe Tom's the one with early-onset, because that is clearly the only option he left his wife.

Sexy Mimi offers Bree some tea for her walk of shame, and Bree gets really aggressive with her in return, all butter-wouldn't-melt and so-I-heard-you-fucked-my-poolboy. Mimi is offended, because she never slept with Keith, and Bree's like, "That was just a cunning test to see how you reacted to my wild imaginings." Instead of slapping her across the face, Mimi's like, "Well played, you old bat." They drink their tea and Mimi's like, "He never stops talking about you. Hey, I'm going to leave you alone with our mail so you can get super suspicious and read our mail and discover some troubling facts." Bree's like, "One step ahead of you. Could you hand me that teapot? I've got some letters to steam open."

Keith's on probation for assault, apparently, so instead of talking to him about that like a grownup, Bree heads on over to Renee's house to chat and gossip and generally involve Renee in the relationship she stole from Renee. But since Renee is awesome, she only says one or two mean things before hand-waving the whole thing away: Apparently, the scuttlebutt she got from the bartender -- at that place where Bree put her dress on backwards, speaking of senile dementia -- is that Keith only got nicked because he was defending his girlfriend.

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Desperate Housewives

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