Desperate Housewives

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
One Hundred Years Of Solipsism

Gabi's doing interview after interview on the hotel phone, and Carlos is like, "Remember the grave and the whole thing? You were going to let a red balloon into the air to symbolize our miscarriage or whatever?" Gabi says that being adored by everybody in a town that once made her feel like lowly, loathesome trash is the best kind of therapy. I don't know for sure, but that does sound pretty good. Still up in the air, as far as whether or not she's actually doing the letter thing, but the outlook is not good, and Carlos has to make that one face he makes, really hard, until she stops looking at him.

The Scavos are horrified at first by the Twins' big fakeout, but after all McCluskey is a hard old crone that doesn't take shit from anybody, so maybe it'll be okay. Of course, she immediately calls them up to ask about Lynette's omelet recipe, because hers are not up to par, and Lynette's like, "Yeah, I'll be right over." Tom is like, "How do you make an omelet?"

At McCluskeys, the Twins are sitting around with either Tiffany and Kimberly or another set of loose young broads, and McCluskey's running around feeding them and clipping their toenails for them and washing their laundry by hand down by the river and stroking their heads with a lullabye, and Lynette goes off.

"They just moved from my boob to yours!" she shouts, which is like the most direct thing anybody has ever said on this show, so of course everybody is horrified. McCluskey assures Lynette that she doesn't mind grandmothering and that she'll try to stay cool, but if they fuck up even one time she'll kick them out. Instead of treating everybody like the adults she's nominally wanting them all to be, of course, Lynette figures out some horrible shitty plan where the collateral damage is so out of line with whatever point she's trying to make that nobody would ever actually be her friend.

Also gross, and I almost left it out entirely, but McCluskey doesn't mind that the Twins have sluts around all the time, because it gives her elderly husband an erection. Which he then fucks her with. So deal with that rock and roll right there.

Speaking of feminism: "Now girls, if it were up to me I'd say avoid math and science. They cause serious frown lines. Young girls today need to know the dangers of long division." Embarrassing for everybody. The principal of her old school comes up schlepping the mean-looking nun from earlier, and Gabi about freaks out right there, and the mean old nun is like, "You're dressed like a whore, as usual, but of course you've always loved getting attention, with your antics." She slopes off into the shadows with a face like a truncheon and Gabi's like, "You know what? I'ma be right back. I just gotta kick the shit out of Sister Marta real quick."

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Desperate Housewives




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