Desperate Housewives
Fear No More

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Fear No More

Zana is washing his face at the kitchen sink. He's wearing the same rigidly buttoned-to-the-rim shirt as he had on in his plant scene with Susan, and he's still totally wound up, so I'm guessing that this is only a matter of moments later, which feels chronologically wrong, somehow. Zana is insisting that they're not going to move. But, Paul warns him, Susan knows something, and Edie said...but Zana cuts him off: "I don't care what Edie said, I'm not leaving Julie!" Paul can't believe that Zana's going to risk their lives, their future, over some "schoolyard crush"! But it's more than that, Zana yelps: "Julie loves me!" Poor Zana. Maybe there was some damage done, down there in the womb of the deranged drug addict mother? "Then why," Paul says, "does she refuse to see you?" Oh that? Zana blames that on the forked tongue of Susan. "You know Julie is a very special girl, she could have just about any boy she wanted," Paul tells him with a slimy kindness. "I think you're a wonderful kid, I do, but...you're not that special, Zach. Not really." Wow. So sorry, Zana. Either way you slice it, nature or nurture, you're totally screwed. "She kissed me," Zana insists. "Lately?" Paul says. Paul assures him that there are going to be other girls, especially if they move to some other town. May I suggest a town where the men obsessively tuck in their shirts, just like Zana? But if Susan goes to the police, they're going to take Paul away, and Zana too! Zana doesn't care, because if Julie doesn't love him, then nothing matters! You hear that, world? Zana's teenaged heart is shattered, and his life is totally over! Hm, has the power been shut off at their house? Because this whole scene is distractingly dim -- I guess it's on purpose, some kind of suburban noir? But it just comes off looking a little dingy.

Meanwhile, over at the pathetic, uncomfortable, and completely staged dinner party, Lynette is futzing with dishes as Tom and Annabel giggle about work, a hilarious yuck-up that ends with Annabel grabbing Tom's hand, a weird moment that stretches out until Lynette breaks it with her bodily need to clear their dishes. Um, I thought this was supposed to be a dinner party. Why is it just the three of them? That is so weird. On cue, the Ps, all cute and jammied, appear on the stairs and, even though it's well after their bedtime, Lynette convinces Tom to have them come into the kitchen and meet Annabel. "An old, OLD friend of your daddy's," Lynette explains. The Ps have a picture with them: "It's all of us with Mommy and Daddy. We're really happy." Annabel wonders just when, exactly, they painted this picture, and a P spills the beans, saying that they painted it earlier because Mommy told them to. Tom looks disgusted and Lynette laughs, "I just told them to paint something nice, the sentiment is all theirs!" Ah, Lynette, back to your old ways of using your children as weapons. There's some talk here of the Ps maybe painting Annabel's picture, which they're all for because she's "pretty," which is enough to get Lynette nice and ready to send them off to bed. Tom takes them upstairs, and Annabel says, "I must say, Lynette, your home is warm and inviting, your children are absolutely precious. This whole evening was practically a commercial for the perfect family...you couldn't have planned it any better. And I mean that."

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Desperate Housewives

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