Desperate Housewives
Fear No More

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Fear No More

Anyway, flashback! Felicia is teaing off with her sister, the nosy Mrs. Huber. How, Mrs. Huber wonders, does Felicia know Mary Alice? Mrs. Huber is holding a framed photo as she asks this, so I guess they're over at Felicia's house. The thing is, Felicia doesn't know "Mary Alice," she knows "Angela Forest." Angela worked at the rehab center with Felicia fifteen years ago. "You think I don't know my own neighbor?" Mrs. Huber says. Felicia leans in for a closer look at the photo. Thoughtfully, she asks, "Does this Mary Alice have children?" Mrs. Huber says that yes she does, one teenaged boy. Felicia gives a sort of "well, well, well" look, and gossip-hound Huber goads her to spill. "Angela and I," Felicia says, "worked together with a very disturbed young woman who gave birth to a baby boy." Oh, sadness. A boy? I was so hoping that "Dana" was a girl's name, and that Zana would turn out to have been one of those babies born with girl parts, and boy parts, and one very difficult decision. Now that would have been an interesting storyline. Sigh. "About a year later, Angela and her husband disappeared. Not long after that I heard that the child was missing too. People said it was just a coincidence, but in my heart, I always hoped that she had given him a proper home." "Are you saying," Mrs. Huber drools, "that she stole the baby?" "Don't look shocked, it makes your face look fat." Yeah, these two just loved the stuffing out of each other. "The biological mother was a drug addict!" Felicia tells her soon-to-be-blendered sister. "If Angela really is your neighbor, which I doubt, then that child was very lucky."

Tom's office. Annabel is getting some coffee when Lynette strolls in. And she is looking gooood. Almost too good, like she spent the last six hours getting ready, shaving and primping and blow-drying all for the sake of intimidating Annabel. Annabel informs Lynette that, unfortunately Tom's off with a client. "Actually, I wanted to see you," Lynette says. "You know, that's really funny," Annabel says. "I was thinking the same thing...we should go out! For lunch! Just the two of us." Dripping with sarcasm, Lynette says, "Yeah, I'll check my book." Wow. Lynette is so nasty I'm almost rooting for Tom to stray. "So, Annabel. Do you have feelings for Tom?" That Lynette, what a chase-cutter. Annabel looks visibly thrown, but after a second she warms up to the fight: "Yes, Tom and I were in love. But he married you. I'm not looking to break up a happy couple. Anyway, that's really more your speed, isn't it?" Bam! Zing! Pow! Lynette looks a little winded by that one, but she continues to hold eye contact. They're standing there, at battle stations, when in pops the quintessential office guy. Completely oblivious to the tension, he says, "Mornin', ladies! Just going in for a little fuel." He darts between them, but they continue hold the stare. "Yup! One man's sludge is another man's liquid gold. Well! Back to the trenches." So good. If you've never worked in an office, you might think that oblivious, TPS-report guys like that are an exaggeration, nothing but pure hyperbole. But no. I've worked with that man. Over and over again. "Watch your step," Lynette says in the rehearsed, moderated tone of a meditation tape. "Tom and I? We're a team. Our marriage is rock-solid. Nothing you do can ever break that up." "Then why," Annabel laughs, "are you down here right now, warning me?" That Annabel! She takes the "T" and the "E" out of "touché"!

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Desperate Housewives

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