Lynette's mom has spent all day throwing money around and buying people's affection and now the hammer's coming down and she's like, "You will come to dinner on Sunday despite your inordinately large family's other commitments. You will wear this ridiculous necklace, which cost exactly $2200, which I don't mind telling you. You will dress up for dinner, and you will wait on me hand and foot. Money will make up for the fact that I am completely unlovable, and you will pretend to love me. If you do not do these things, I will transfer my soul-sucking money-hungry grotesquerie to one of your sisters." Lynette, first she's like this and then, once again, she's like that. Meanwhile, Bree finally hands over the picture of Charlie, and Keith's like, "Babe, why are you giving me pictures of little kids?" and she tells him who Charlie is. And it's weird, because this whole episode, all five storylines, are like this: You get to the point where the episode is actually starting, and then it turns out the episode is over. They're not cliffhangers so much as an epic exercise in throat-clearing. It's like a series of webisodes designed to get you pumped for next week, it's the weirdest thing. If I hadn't been watching the clock, I would have assumed we were nearing the end of the first act and not the end of the episode, because a bunch of shit has happened but nothing's really happened yet.

So Renee and Lee are hanging out at Susan's abode, like how you do, and they're drinking white wine and she's drinking whatever Muggle shit Susan drinks because of her inner deformations, and you can actually hear her lying to herself: "I barely remember him. Monroe is just doing this incredibly selfless act of charity. It's inspiring!" Which, props for at least making her crappy internal monologue make sense this time. Usually with Susan you feel like one of the doctors on House, going, "Something is super-wrong with you, but I can't quite figure out what it is." But here it's the one authentic thing about Susan, which is that she is more into fairytales than anybody on earth, and she will cram reality into whatever shape is necessary to preserve her inner narrative. So yeah, it's not that he's in stalker love with her, it's just this amazing manna from heaven. Which fits perfectly into her story where she is a saint worthy of miracles happening to her on the reg, as long as she doesn't admit she's being bitchy cheerleader Susan -- but instead of doing her homework, it's filtering her filthy, filthy blood.