Desperate Housewives

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
Mens InZana In Corpore Sano

Wait, wasn't that actually a story on this show? Didn't like Edie Britt get somebody's ashes in her face? Perhaps a canoe was involved? No, it was Martha's ashes and she threw them in Susan's face, and that was before we really understood how horrible Susan was, so it seemed like Edie was the bad guy. When in fact, Edie was not such a bad guy at all, really. And then later it was Edie's ashes.

Every time I think of some hack story or stupid joke or Muppet Show scenario and it's like, "That would be perfect for Desperate Housewives" inevitably you then go, "...Aaaaand they did it in Season Two. And again last year. Without making reference to the previous time, because they don't remember things like that on this show."

So dumb Keith brings a big old greasy pizza to Bree's house, because she's making a special meal of grilled salmon, which is delicious, and but really because he is trash. Just trashy old trash with a pretty face. He tries to force-feed her some pizza, because they have finally adjusted to the fact that this is their entire relationship: Just the spaghetti-sucking scene from Lady & The Tramp, on a five-minute loop, for the rest of their miserable lives:

Bree: "Would you like some of my haute cuisine?"
Keith: "No thank you, I prefer to eat garbage. Resentfully."
Bree: "That makes me feel superior to you, which is a turn on."
Keith: "Getting patronized by an old lady with a stretched rubber face makes me feel degraded, which is a turn on. I'm sort of a misogynist."
Bree: "Me too, but that's not why I'm so into you. You're such a young buck, with your vibrant sexuality! I am overwhelmed by passion!"
Keith: "Really? Because I'm forty years old and chock full of beer farts."

Bree: "Do not interrupt my total fabrication of our life together!"
Keith: "Okay, but eat this pizza, it makes me feel like I'm corrupting you on some level. It's kind of like fucking Queen Elizabeth."
Bree: "And sleeping with you is like getting gang-banged by the Outsiders!"
Keith: "I am older than all of them put together."
Bree: "But at least you're blue-collar white trash!"
Keith: "No, my dad was in the military and my mom is a gifted physician."
Bree: "We make no sense! This storyline is idiotic!"
Keith: "Are you calling me stupid?"
Bree: "With absolutely every word that comes out of my mouth."

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Desperate Housewives




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