Desperate Housewives

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
Mens InZana In Corpore Sano

Susan's kidney beeper has gone off! What will she complain about now? But wait, because guess what, it's Dave Foley who has decided to give her a kidney of love. Because it's Susan, she does not connect the dots in any way and just acts vaguely put out because it is a "man kidney," and then put out that Dave Foley is making her feel beholden, and all of this. Finally he goes, "So what's a guy gotta do to get a hug? Give you a lung?" and instead of turning around and proceeding the hell out of there, she gives him the hug -- "Oh, come here, you!" -- and he smells her hair, and you can see the entire storyline from here.

Keith was driving his truck to Mrs. Goodman's house to install her screen door, but he drove past the "bank" and saw Bree's car outside the "restaurant" and came inside to have a ludicrous gloat about how Bree is addicted to pizza now. She's like, "This is the stupidest thing you've ever said, but also, please don't notice the small bastard I'm babysitting at this pizza joint." Of course, Charlie comes running up demanding more quarters -- the only thing more hateful on this show than the grownups, inevitably, is the children -- and Keith gives him quarters and then they go play basketball together and fall in father/son love immediately and Bree just stands there wishing her tear ducts still worked and feeling like the gross troll she's totally being about this whole situation.

Frank and mom drive up in a Bentley, which of course impresses Tom and of course is like the most typical shitty thing, in Lynette's opinion, and then they come in for this joke of a family portrait and he says some racist shit and then calls the twins Cagney and Lacey and makes them help him rearrange the furniture so that the Scavo palace will look less grody. Tom sets up the camera -- "Everybody smile and say Bentley!" -- and then Frank is dead. "Of course he is," Lynette grumbles in the exact same tone, because this is also the most typical shitty thing Frank could pull.

Everybody stares at the corpse and Teeny or whatever her name is worries that his ghost will be trapped in their house forever, and Tom also is scared by this concept because he is a little bit retarded, and they send all the kids upstairs, including Tom. Mom, of course, is only stressed out because the new will goes into effect at midnight, so they have to wait and just let the corpse hang out on the couch until the morning. Which is by far the dumbest thing in a while, and I'm including Screamin' Meemie's Dolls & Preemies when I say this. Lynette takes a moral stance and then Mom starts in with this bewitchery about "College tuition... Braces..." So Lynette doesn't call the coroner and they all settle in to hang out with JR's dead body all night, because sure.

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Desperate Housewives




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