Ian and Susan are unloading groceries from her car when Ian notices Mike doing some watering out in front of his place. Immediately, Ian starts back in with the incessant wanting-to-invite-Mike-to-dinner thing. Susan very cleverly sends him inside with the groceries while she dashes off to run interference. Susan to Mike: "Ian-is-going-to-invite-you-to-dinner-Saturday-night-and-you-are-not-I- repeat-not-going-to-accept." Mike = confused. Susan rushes to explain that dinner is Ian's plan to prove how not-jealous he is of Mike, a state Susan describes as "ironic" (based on the kiss with which Mike curled Susan's toes on her oh-so-recently). Mike saucily teases that she sure seemed ready to climb aboard that buss at the time. It's been a long, long while since I've seen James Denton looking this animated -- maybe he finally broke with that crazy diet that I heard he went on in preparation for some other role (Undead or Alive: A Zombedy, perhaps?)? And then, even more saucily, like Alfredo saucily, Mike totally defies Susan's request and accepts Ian's dinner invitation. That cocky-eyebrowed bastard.
Edie, in real estate agent mode, arranges for Carlos to see one of the houses she's trying to sell, but it's all a ruse to get access to a free bed for a few hours of sexing, Goldilocks-style. Gross! I wish I could say that this is just one of Edie's many kinks, but it turns out that they're rolling in someone else's hay only because Edie's too cheap to pay for a hotel. We are next treated to a montage -- as MAVO witticizes something about "location, location, location" -- of the two of them flopping onto a series of different beds, the last of which is a child's racecar twin. Grossest! ("Mommy? Why is my bed sticky?") Pffft. Why can't they just do it in the car like any other self-respecting teenagers?
Casa "There's Been a Change on the Menu." Tom is gingerly sitting at the dinner table while Tootie serves the family his "secret risotto" (the secret ingredient isn't cocaine, sadly, but spinach). Lynette is all a-twitter and a-excited about adding the fancy new dish to the menu, but Tom thinks a spinach-laden item is going to sound like punishment food to the kids, which is a big dining factor in their family-friendly eatery. But lo! The traitorous wee Scavos actually love the stuff, cooing and grunting happily as they shovel it in. Cheapskate Lynette especially loves the risotto because it costs only a dollar to make, but they get to fleece their customers to the tune of $20 a plate for the stuff. Tom acknowledges that the risotto's "good," but insists that it's "not us." And he's right: Lynette's Strip-Mine Special isn't exactly family restaurant fare. Tootie tries to make a case for the dish, but Tom stops him in his tracks, telling him that he can make whatever he wants when he gets his own restaurant. Tom's manly breast-pounding speech is somewhat muted, though, when littlest Scavo Penny speaks her very first words on the show, maybe even ever: "More please!" She holds out her empty plate at Tootie, and Tom scowls. What is it, Tommy? Is your diaper giving you a rash?