Desperate Housewives
God, That's Good

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Ooh-Ooh, That Smell

A scruffy, nervous-looking guy knocks on Maybe Mayor's door, and Gabby answers. Scruffy has a package for MM, but it's "personal," so he's reluctant to leave it with "the maid." Gabby scowls, grabs the package out of his hand, and slams the door in his face. Of course, because it's private, she opens it immediately. Inside? Half-naked elevator-cam photos of Gabby and MM, along with a note that reads: "If you want the negatives I demand $50,000.00/XX!" Shouldn't that be "XX/100"? Have I been doing it wrong these many years? Gabby goes running outside and tackles Scruffy out on the lawn. Just then, a H.O.G. police car drives by and stops to break up the scuffle. They cuff Scruffs (who, it turns out, is the guy who monitors the security cameras at the hotel) and ask Gabby to hand over the photos for "evidence." And despite her previous kerfuffle with the local boys in blue , she readily hands over the photos. "Guard them with your life," she commands. Yeah, okay ma'am.

The three be-penised Ps are outside (Penny and Kayla are MIA), involved in some mysterious activity that requires both a basketball and a plastic axe -- baxeketball? -- and listening to Tom and Lynette scream at each other inside. Lynette: "We've been open three months now and we're barely making a profit!" Now, I'm no expert, but I've always heard that a restaurant that makes its way into the black within the first year is already doing way better than most places, so by those standards, the Scavoria is doing pretty great. The kids mutter amongst themselves, and together they agree to send the non-twin P. Inside, Tom angrily decries Lynette and Tootie's plan to "toss out [his] idea." Easy, Tom. It's just a pizza parlor, not some amazing breakthrough invention that keeps your socks from sucking down into your boots or anything. Little P interrupts to ask for...what? His parents to stop fighting? No. Contrary to first impressions, the kids could care less about the fighting up on the parental Mount Olympus. They just want "fudgesicles." Now where is this sudden need for a frozen novelty treat coming from, I wonder? Tom and Lynette scream "NO!" at P, in unison. At least that's one thing they can both still agree on. P hangs his head and leaves. Tom, lowing himself gingerly onto his hospital bed in the living room, bossy-bosses: "The menu is not changing. End of discussion." Lynette rather bitchily invites Tom, who's clearly unable to do much of anything (other than bitch and moan...thankfully his operation left his whiner fully intact), to come down the restaurant and try and stop her. And that's one more blowjob Tom won't be getting.

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Desperate Housewives

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