MAVO: "That afternoon, while retrieving her mail..." What afternoon? What day is this? How old am I? I feel like I've aged ten years since this episode began, and it's only half over. In any case, nice mail-fetching fuchsia tube-top with rhinestone-encrusted cleavage buckle, Gabby! "...Gabrielle was surprised to finally learn the truth behind her pregnancy." She sorts through the mail, until something of major interest catches her eye and she drops the rest of the mail to the ground. "Very surprised."
Inside, Carlos is eating cereal and wondering if Gabby wants to go online and look at strollers. But no, Gabby's bag is packed. "I just wanted to say goodbye," she says in aRomper Room voice, "because I'm leaving you." Apparently, the mail contained a pesky health-insurance claim that revealed that someone had ordered a year's worth of birth control pills, and that the order was placed after Mama Solis's coma-inducing car accident, meaning that not only was Carlos the one and only person who could have done the tampering, but he wasn't even man enough to admit that he did so. Gabby stomps out, and Carlos runs after her and grabs her arm. "Ah-ah!" Gabby yells. "[I'm] pregnant, Caveman, remember?" Carlos drops her arms and she gets into her Spyder. Carlos demands to know where she's going, and does she not recall that he's going to jail? Tomorrow? Gabby: "I know, that's why I only packed one bag." She reverses out the driveway with a screech. Carlos yells, "What about the baby? This baby needs its father!" and the like. Gabby stops the car next to Carlos and says with a sneer, "Oh, Carlos, whoever said you were the father?" Then she peels out. And with that, something small but very important snaps in Carlos's brain. Unfortunately, at just that very moment, Edie pulls up in her convertible and hops out, leaving her engine running, to put a "sold" sign on the Mullens house. (Remember that? Way back when this episode was bouncing-new and Mr. and Mrs. Mullens were exiting Dodge and I still had all my teeth?) And in a flash, Carlos is behind the wheel. Edie only has enough time to lean in and grab her purse (demonstrating more presence of mind than I think is strictly believable) before Carlos peels out. "Damn felon!" Edie yells after him. Just as I finish asking, "Hey, what about Carlos's house-arrest anklet?," we see two cops (who, incidentally, look almost like twins -- two pale, pale, sunblock-thirsty cops) sitting in a cop car as the news of a suspect in violation of his house arrest comes over the radio.