Edie, Lynette, Susan, and -- weirdly -- Jordana Geist again (are they trying to make her one of the Wives or something?) are all cleaning up after the party when Mrs. McC walks up. Lynette super-awkwardly offers her some cake, but she's not there for "sweets." No! She's there to put an end to the mystery of her frozen husband. Aw, Mrs. McC only got a two-episode arc of a mystery? And it's ending before it even got a good head of steam going? That's really disappointing. Anyway, just as everyone predicted (snore), Mrs. McC put Gilbert on ice so she could keep getting his pension checks. They confuse the story a bit to explain why she doesn't receive the checks automatically like most widows do: apparently, he was married to another woman before Mrs. McC and neglected to change the name of his beneficiary from the ex to Mrs. McC in the 34 years they were married, which multiple people on the boards, including Retirement Experts, have called bullshit on, but what can you do? Mrs. McC ends her confession by giving the Ladies permission to start spreading the news. "Not," she says scornfully, "that you ladies need [permission]." Mrs. McC heads back home, pausing to wink at Parker. Awwww, it is ON! Ew.
Is that really all the story Mrs. McC is going to tell? If so, why didn't she come clean with the story from the get-go? Or maybe this is just a cover story! For some much darker secret! I totally wouldn't be surprised -- I suspect Mrs. McC's still waters run Loch-Ness-deep. Also, if this whole pension story is true, shouldn't Mrs. McC be in the pokey for fraud? Oh man, what if the reason they didn't arrest her is that she was within her legal rights to cash those checks? How awesome if the writers let her discover that she'd frozen Gilbert for no whatsoever! Hello? Is anyone listening to this?
Susan shows up on Mike's doorstep and confesses that she's been in therapy ("sort-of-a-court-ordered-thing, anyway..." she mutters hilariously), and she has an announcement. And if you thought her announcement is that she's going back to Mike (like I totally did), you thunk WRONG! She's sticking with Ian! Bizarrely enough. And I'm shocked to say that this news actually made me feel a bit melancholy, which is so weird; after spending a year looking at Mike's slack-jawed zombie face, I would have thought for sure I'd be celebrating the day Susan finally closed the chapter on Mike. But I'm kind of sad! Maybe it's because James Denton has been letting actual emotions through these last couple episodes? Or, more likely, maybe it's lingering Season 1 affection? But it's true: when Susan tells him how sorry she is, and he tells her, "At least I have my memories," I actually sniffled. So there.