Meanwhile, Gabby excuses herself to go talk to Edie, who is taking out the trash wearing a huge, black, depressing fur coat and looking very much like she's just tumbled out of bed -- it's very Hibernating Bear Meets Courtney Love. And guess what? Gabby, it turns out, is not actually okay with Edie dating Carlos -- she calls it "awkward" and likens it to giving a dress to charity only to discover a friend wearing it at a party -- and she commands Edie to cease and desist, like pronto. Edie: "And what if I don't?" Gabby: "Then be prepared to suffer the consequences." Edie, with a dismissive, growling laugh: "Oh please. You are as tall as my legs." And it's true, Edie and her insane fur coat totally tower of Gabby, the Shortest Runway Model That Never Was.

And over to Susan's Two Men Too Many storyline. Ian's come a-knocking at Susan's door, bouquet of roses in hand, but she is deliberately not answering. Julie (well hello there, our long-lost level-headed friend!) tries to talk Susan into reasoning with Ian and/or Mike: "There are only two guys in this world who know all your flaws and have still found a way to love you; you're just going to...toss them both away?" Yet Susan refuses to listen to this incredibly persuasive reasoning. Mike joins the party and, with weird vindictiveness, starts taunting Ian to "give it up," etc. Ian, peevishly: "I preferred you when you were comatose and pooping in a bag." Yes, he actually says that: "pooping in a bag." And then Mike says, "Well, lucky I don't have that bag right now." Because...he would throw it at Ian? A bag packed with his very own fecal surprise? That seems a little extreme. Ian throws down the gauntlet, and also his bouquet, and fisticuffs look inevitable. But then Susan sends Julie to the door to tell both men to keep away, and they both wander off, looking dejected.

After hours at the Scavoria. Rick hands Lynette a plate of duck raviolis in a thick extramarital sauce and asks her what she thinks of the dish. Lynette flirts that she thinks "it's a shame" that he didn't make any for himself, and she coyly makes a grab for his plate, too. Why you piggy minx! Just then, Tom calls to say how much he loves her, clearly just a butter-up for wanting her to come home and convince the 8 million Scavolettes to get into bed, because they refuse to listen to Tom, which is totally pathetic -- is it too early to send the kids off to Camp Cognac for some reprogramming? Lynette lies and says she needs to stay at work to do "inventory," and then later tries to pretend to Tootie that she feels guilty for doing so. Tootie ulterior motivates her by telling her how very much deserves a break from her family, read: her ROTTEN OLD HUSBAND.