Previously on Desperate Housewives: oh, you remember all the stuff that didn't happen last week, right?
Okay then. MAVO starts by dropping us into the middle of Gabby's big engagement fete down at the Scavoria, and we see that Gabby has somehow managed to cut her hand. Then, in a temporal inverted backward flip, MAVO goes back in time (crazy, I know) to show us the events that led up to the injury, by way of a Mutual-Of-Omaha-style montage of all the almost-could-have-been-injurious moments in her day: Gabby just misses getting her paw slammed in a limo door, Gabby barely avoids having her fingers trod upon while she's picking up her napkin, a waiter drops a gigantor steak knife and it thunks into the table one red hair's breadth away from Gabby's wrist (red hairs being the urban-legendarily scantest of all, at least according to certain gutter-minded thinking). This trail of non-events leads us, finally, to What Really Happened. "Gabrielle's injury," MAVO tells us, "came about in a more [patented Mary Alice irony-rich pause] unexpected fashion." And here it is: Edie finally tells Gabby that she and Carlos are dating, and Gabby responds to the news by squeezing her wine glass so tightly that it shatters and slices her hand. Wah-wah. Was anyone in any way, shape, or form surprised by that reaction? We all knew that chances were fair-to-guaranteed that Gabby was going to slip a cog when she found out about Carlos and Edie, so I'm not exactly sure what MAVO is talking about when she deems this the most "unexpected" explanation for Gabby's wound -- personally, I think the steak knife falling from the sky and plunging into her wrist would have come out of much deeper in left field. (And, in a collective sigh coming from the entire recap-reading audience: "You know what would have been even more unexpected, and delightfully so? If Evany had just let the MAVO intro lie, un-nitpicked to death, for just once...for the love that is all that is holy?")
In short: Gabby pretends to be so totally blissed out over her looming nups that she's unfazed by the news of Carlos pairing up with Sloppy-Seconds Britt (first Susan's ex Karl, then Susan's ex Mike, and now Carlos?), but secretly she is totally hot and bothered, and in an "around the collar" sort of way as opposed to the bathing-suit-area kind. As MAVO puts it, "Gabrielle had been cut much, much deeper than anyone could see."
Oh and lest I forget: this party scene also features a welcome reference to Bree, who managed to send Gabby a celebratory basket of moist muffins despite being thousands of miles of way at "the top of a Swiss Alp." It's an inane story, and it feels ultra-tacked on, but I'm glad for the mention: it was getting kind of eerie, not having even a whisper of Bree lo these multiple episodes. And to celebrate this welcome moment of our lives, here's a topical joke for you to share with you coworkers and parole officers. Ready? Okay: Two muffins are in an oven. One muffin says to the other, "Man it's hot in here." The other muffin goes "Oh my god, a talking muffin!" You like that? Because apparently, this little joke is also the inspiration for a T-shirt. And an awesomely heated debate.