...when she's tucking her dad into his hospital bed, she "casually" mentions, without the slightest attempt at sugar-coating the news, that she thinks Lynette "likes" Tootie. Like, LIKE-likes. Tom looks stunned, and Kayla smiles hugely. Bleh, she's so monstrous, it's actually getting hard to watch.
Susan and Ian are making out and walking, making out and walking, making out and walking all over her house. There is also some cooing. I take it he's heard the news that he's the lucky winner of the Susan prize? Ian unlocks lips long enough to say, "You do realize we're going to be blissfully happy, don't you? I mean, it could actually get a bit disgusting. People might throw fruit!" And the way he says "fruit!" is so fittingly fruity. Susan sends Ian upstairs to "warm up the bed" while she stays downstairs to lock up, which feels sort of manufactured to me...I hesitate to say that it's usually the man's job to lock up, but it does seem weird that, given all the kissing and the romance of the moment, they wouldn't, say, check the perimeter together. Or be so swept up in the moment that she'd forget all about the deadbolts? Though...maybe this is a sign of her general lack of passion for Ian, that she can think of something so mundane on the very night of her thrilling re-engagement? In which case, delightfully subtle character development, writers!
While Susan's turning off lights, she just happens to notice that she has a message on her machine. Of course, it's from Mike, and it's a super-sad message, all, "You will always be the best thing that ever happened to me and, well, I hope you find the happiness you deserve." And he ends this heart-squeezing goodbye message with, "Oh, this is Mike," which is super-endearing. Now, unbeknownst to Susan, Ian has reappeared behind her, so he's witnessed this poignant little scene. And you can tell that he sees that Susan's moved by what Mike had to say, and that he's actually okay with it because he's now secure enough in his love to recognize how Susan might be a little wistful in this situation. And he's moving in to give her what looks like a comforting hug, when? She hits "play." Again. The death blow! Ian's face goes blank, and he looks shocked and resigned and sad all at once. And then the smallest, saddest smile flickers across his face, and he heads upstairs to pack his things. He explains that he doesn't want her to be with him just because she feels obliged to honor her promise to marry him. Susan: "Ian, I love you." Ian: "I know you do. But you love him a little bit more, don't you? I can't live a life where every time I see you with a faraway look, I'll wonder if you're thinking of him." Susan: "I'm so sorry." Ian: "You deserve to be happy. So do I. Goodbye, Susan." And he just walks right on out of her house, off Wisteria Lane, out of Fairview, out of the Eagle State, and back to England. Eek! That was so unexpectedly sad. And Teri Hatcher looks so unexpectedly hot these days. I was wondering upstream why I gave this episode an A-? And now I remember. This scene was really, truly awesome. (Note to Susan: Invest in a voicemail box, especially if you're going to be falling in love with two men and listening to one's messages when the other one's around.)