Desperate Housewives
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And over to Susan's Two Men Too Many storyline. Ian's come a-knocking at Susan's door, bouquet of roses in hand, but she is deliberately not answering. Julie (well hello there, our long-lost level-headed friend!) tries to talk Susan into reasoning with Ian and/or Mike: "There are only two guys in this world who know all your flaws and have still found a way to love you; you're just going to...toss them both away?" Yet Susan refuses to listen to this incredibly persuasive reasoning. Mike joins the party and, with weird vindictiveness, starts taunting Ian to "give it up," etc. Ian, peevishly: "I preferred you when you were comatose and pooping in a bag." Yes, he actually says that: "pooping in a bag." And then Mike says, "Well, lucky I don't have that bag right now." Because...he would throw it at Ian? A bag packed with his very own fecal surprise? That seems a little extreme. Ian throws down the gauntlet, and also his bouquet, and fisticuffs look inevitable. But then Susan sends Julie to the door to tell both men to keep away, and they both wander off, looking dejected.

After hours at the Scavoria. Rick hands Lynette a plate of duck raviolis in a thick extramarital sauce and asks her what she thinks of the dish. Lynette flirts that she thinks "it's a shame" that he didn't make any for himself, and she coyly makes a grab for his plate, too. Why you piggy minx! Just then, Tom calls to say how much he loves her, clearly just a butter-up for wanting her to come home and convince the 8 million Scavolettes to get into bed, because they refuse to listen to Tom, which is totally pathetic -- is it too early to send the kids off to Camp Cognac for some reprogramming? Lynette lies and says she needs to stay at work to do "inventory," and then later tries to pretend to Tootie that she feels guilty for doing so. Tootie ulterior motivates her by telling her how very much deserves a break from her family, read: her ROTTEN OLD HUSBAND.

Later, a cane-enabled Tom hobbles out in front of the house to find Parker standing there with his basketball and staring over at Mrs. McC, who's scrubbing the eggs off her front door: apparently, the local kids have been showing their appreciation for her ice work by throwing things at her house. Mrs. McC spots Tom and Parker staring at her, and without so much as a friendly wave, Tom hustles Parker inside under the guise of it being too late to "bother" poor, lonely, ostracized Mrs. McC. Argh, if only Tom had reached out to Mrs. McC in this scene! A bond between these too could have been a might powerful element if and when Lynette's affair with Tootie takes off. But instead, Tom just lurches inside the house, leaving a crushed-looking Mrs. McC sadly scrubbing her front door. And with that whimper of a moment, the show lurches into...

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Desperate Housewives

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