Desperate Housewives

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...COMMERCIALS! Oh, Spiderman. Did you see that scathing review in The New Yorker? Which described Peter Parker's new bangs as making him look "like the bronze medalist in a teen-age Hitler-impersonation contest"? Zing! POW! Bam.

Gabby, looking fine with a P-H (i.e., "phine") in a hell-O-yellow satin top with cute puff sleeves, has invited Susan and Lynette over to enlist them in operation Eradicate Edie. For some reason, the ladies are weirdly reluctant to join up. Lynette, I can sort of understand -- Edie's never really run afoul of her. But still, they're not exactly super close. But Susan! Why is Susan fighting for her right to keep talking to Edie? Gabby reminds Susan that Edie turned her exes (Karl and Mike) into sexes, too. But Susan is apparently so femiNazied over her recent turn in the poker pot that she isn't mad at all at Edie for those slipups; rather, it's the men who should be despised! Lynette and Gabby exchange uneasy glances over Susan's crazy-harsh man bashing. Which...okay, fine, I sort of understand? Except no! Edie burned down your house, Susan. You should be happy for any request to hate her. Gabby reminds the ladies of all the times she took their sides: apparently, Lynette had some property dispute and Gabby weighed in on her side, and she's still boycotting the salon that gave Susan her "botched bikini wax." As Susan starts shifting her legs uncomfortably, Lynette says, "Oh my god, how do you botch a bikini wax?" Gabby: "SHE WILL SHOW YOU LATER!" Finally kowtowed by Gabby's browbeating (or, for a more titillating girl-on-girl option, with Lynette and Susan now in a heated rush to go show each other bikini scars), Lynette and Susan agree to shut out Edie.

Casa Devil Inside. Lynette comes home to find Kayla in the middle of putting together a puzzle on the kitchen table. Kayla immediately opens fire on Lynette with a calculated guilt trip about how she's never ever home these days and how she makes Tom do everything now. If I were Lynette, I'd be stoked by the news that Mr. Full-Service Me is actually doing stuff around the house. Lynette lies that she's just been super-busy at the Scavoria, capping the lie with a weirdo nervous "he-he-he" that sounds kind of like the androgynous alien chertle of Pat. Kayla, who's every inch her mother's daughter in this scene, brats that Lynette always seems to laughs that creepy laugh when she's trying to cover up a lie. I don't know...we've heard Lynette lie a lot over the years, and I don't really remember that off-putting chuckle-thing as her signature? Also: Kayla? You're an idiot. Never tell someone their tell!

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Desperate Housewives




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