And down at court-ordered anger-management therapy, a Fraggle-haired therapist is chastising Susan for threatening to "decapitate a man over a parking space." Susan "Denial Isn't Just A River In Egypt" Mayer claims to be fine, totally fine, nothing wrong, nothing to see here! And then the Fragglrapist casually asks after the state of Susan's love life, and she semi-hilariously busts into tears. I'm usually very hard on Teri Hatcher (because she usually bugs like the seminal Bunny of WB fame), but I must confess that she's actually kind of funnying it up in this episode. I know: so weird.
The doorbell rings at Mrs. McFreeze's, and she answers already at full battle stations, only it isn't the door-bell ditching kids she's expecting; it's only Parker, wearing his favorite sad-sack face. It appears that the Scavos have hired a new sitter -- Mrs. McC is clearly stung by this news, and really, it's a hugely traitorous act, and I actually thought Lynette was a better friend than that -- and sugar-junkie Parker hates this new woman because she "thinks carrot sticks are snacks." Though why any babysitter of the Scavo brood would feed those kids anything but sedatives is beyond me. Parker encourages Mrs. McC to come clean about why her husband's been cooling his jets in the basement for the last decade, but Mrs. McC doesn't think anything she can say will stop the gossipmongers of Wisteria Lane; she just has to ride out the storm.
The Fragglrapist has canceled the rest of her plans for the day, and Susan, who we all know has been in dire need of therapy for a long time now, is officially on a tear. She hates men, she hates poker, she's all betrayed, etc.! But then, in possibly the fastest and most insightful bit of therapying ever, the Fragglrapist cuts through all Susan's noise and hits the heart of the matter: Who does Susan love, Ian or Mike? She may love both, but she can only choose one. Wow. Now...let's schedule all the other characters on this show for miracle Fragglrapy, shall we?
Scavoria. Tootie invites Lynette to come try out a sneak tasting at a "soul food place" owned by his "friend Al" -- hey, but didn't he say he didn't have any friends? Initially, she balks, citing parental duties. But when he casually mentions that she was "just the first person [he] thought of," the "Married Lady With A Big, Fat, Inappropriate Crush" fiddle fiddles, and Lynette scrambles to accept the invitation, reverse-engineering an excuse that it's all about the competitive research. Tootie: "Yeah, it never hurts to see what's out there." Did you get that? ["I don't even watch this show, and I think I got it so hard that it raised a goose-egg on my forehead." -- Miss Alli]