Desperate Housewives

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Travers's birthday party is in full swing, and there are a million kids running around -- quite the impressive turnout for a kid who's only been in town for a month. Susan totally busts Lynette for serving kids pizza, and Lynette admits that she's a "whore" for pizza money. Ah, but Edie's sunk her claws into Susan, too: she's there to sign books, thirty of which Edie's (I guess) purchased as party favors. Lynette to Susan: "Looks like we're working the same corner!" Lynette's not super-worried about Gabby finding out about that they've turned traitor, because she's supposed to be on a date with Victor all day. Susan sighs a huge sigh of relief that can only mean that Gabby's for sure going to spot them, and she heads off to go autograph her book, Ants In My Picnic Basket, which (as I've said before) just sounds so dirty to me. Something about that My; if it were merely Ants In THE Picnic Basket, it wouldn't sound filthy at all. Should I be worried that my brain just keeps rutting back to dirty places? Especially in the context of children's literature? Maybe I need the Fragglrapist, too. There's a huge "Meet The Author" poster with Susan's photo and the Picnic Basket illustration, which is disappointingly schlocky. There are also a bazillion balloons and streamers and a snake guy. Edie has truly outdone herself on this party for Gabby. I mean Travers! The party is for Travers, right.

Some punk kids peel off from the festivities to go paint "WITCH" on Mrs. McC's door in red paint -- a pretty tuff move for a bunch of dorks in face paint (oh, and Edie also hired a face painter). I wonder where the kid got his giant bottle of paint. Perhaps it's the same jug Mrs. Purdy used when she WHOREd up Susan's garage? Doesn't it seem a little soon to be recycling plot points from just last season? They couldn't even mix it up with a different color of paint? Epithet Ecru, maybe? Silver Slur? Parker comes running up -- his face is dork-paint free, so clearly he's the cooler customer in this showdown -- and he commands them to leave Mrs. McC alone. They accuse him of being in love with Witchy C and knock him down. Mrs. McC comes running out, and the idiots in the face paint all run away. She tries to comfort Parker, but he shrugs her off: he's mad at her for still refusing to come clean. Here's a thought: what if Parker really was in love with Mrs. McC.? After all, they do have a history: he did try to put a seed inside her to see if it would grow. The first January-December kiss! That would be huge for sweeps. The collective retinal burning on the entire viewing audience, however, would be quite the legal snafu.

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Desperate Housewives




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