As we so knew she would, Gabby shows up on the Lane: her date with Shoo-In Mayor's been cancelled. She tries calling Lynette, but she's not picking up. And yet...her car's home. And so is Susan's. A couple of kids run by, carrying balloons, and the "Suspicious Minds" violas start to saw frantically. Lynette spots Gabby on her way over and dives at Susan. They hit the grass and crawl for cover, and a P-twin spots them and asks if he can join in the fun, but Lynette just screams at him to "go ride the python" -- which sounds even creepier than Ants In My Picnic Basket, but which literally refers to the gigantic snake the reptile guy is carting around. Susan and Lynette slip into the "Rent A Reptile" van -- which, contrary to the way it sounds, is not a van full of male strippers (I know, I dirtied it again). A big hairy spider hisses at them, and they go screaming out into the street, and right into Gabby's sightlines.
Gabby makes a big scene about how Lynette and Susan have betrayed their "pact," and how they have to leave with her this very second, blah, blah, blah. Gabby is kind of an idiot. Mid-rant, Carlos -- intent on not letting idiot Gabby ruin Travers's party -- sweeps in, throws Gabby over his shoulder, and carries her off the premises. They bicker for a while -- how could she announce her engagement on the news without telling Carlos first? how could he start dating Edie without telling Gabby? -- but then Gabby smugs that she's head-over-high-heels in love with the Shoo-In Mayor. The sad "So Not Over It" synthesizer swells, and Carlos sighs and says, "It must be nice." As in, he's totally not in love with Edie! More precisely, he says that they're "having fun together, but it'll never be serious." Aw, poor Edie.
Out of nowhere MAVO busts in, and for a split second, I think WRAP-UP TIME! But no. We've actually got a long, grim twenty minutes of airtime to go yet. You know, I really liked this episode the first time I saw it, but now it's just drag-assing under the weight of Gabby being a totally irritating shrew. Right, so MAVO: "And for the first time, Gabrielle was willing to let Carlos be with someone else, because she knew he still belonged to her." Her face stretches into a revoltingly smug smile. See? Gabby's awful.
Edie, Lynette, Susan, and -- weirdly -- Jordana Geist again (are they trying to make her one of the Wives or something?) are all cleaning up after the party when Mrs. McC walks up. Lynette super-awkwardly offers her some cake, but she's not there for "sweets." No! She's there to put an end to the mystery of her frozen husband. Aw, Mrs. McC only got a two-episode arc of a mystery? And it's ending before it even got a good head of steam going? That's really disappointing. Anyway, just as everyone predicted (snore), Mrs. McC put Gilbert on ice so she could keep getting his pension checks. They confuse the story a bit to explain why she doesn't receive the checks automatically like most widows do: apparently, he was married to another woman before Mrs. McC and neglected to change the name of his beneficiary from the ex to Mrs. McC in the 34 years they were married, which multiple people on the boards, including Retirement Experts, have called bullshit on, but what can you do? Mrs. McC ends her confession by giving the Ladies permission to start spreading the news. "Not," she says scornfully, "that you ladies need [permission]." Mrs. McC heads back home, pausing to wink at Parker. Awwww, it is ON! Ew.