Susan shows up at Mike's. She wants to apologize. "Don't worry about it," he says, and tries to close the door on her. "Tell the bitch to get out!" Bongo yells in the background. Bongo's been drinking, you see. Again. "So, in your mind, is the date off?" Susan actually asks. Those words actually leave her mouth. "Hell, yes, it's off, you MENTAL MIDGET," Bongo yells. Mike, more seriously, tells her that, yes, since she went through his shit, he no longer wants to see her girly bits. Susan wails that she found everything by accident! "Are you a drug dealer or something?" she asks. Mike snorts that he is not a drug dealer. Susan responds to this by telling him that there's these whole part of his life that he keeps "walled off," and that he never opens up to her and yada yada. I hate to beat a dead horse -- man, is that a lie. Actually, I love it -- but I feel that it bears pointing out that they have never been on a date. Ever. No boobs have been touched. No boy parts have been groped. Back off, Needy McWantAMan. Mike tells her that he has the gun "for protection," and cash for emergencies. "I'm a good guy, Susan, and you should know that," says Mike, and reminds her that he's not obligated to share everything with her. She agrees, but nor does she want him keeping weird, creepy secrets. Well, that's fair. Don't pull the "emotionally distant" card when what you mean to pull is the "you're freaking me out. Are you a hired killer?" card. Then Susan says, "Maybe we shouldn't be dating," and Mike goes, "Maybe we shouldn't," and Bongo goes, "YOU HAVEN'T BEEN," and, with that, the shortest, most non-relationship relationship ever comes to an end. Susan brats that she hopes his "little secret" keeps him warm at night, because he's throwing something "really great away to protect it." Oy.
Episode Report CardJessica: C+ | 524 USERS: C+
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