Desperate Housewives

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DeAnn Welker: B | Grade It Now!
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Home is NOT the Place

Previously, Andrew and Alex told Bree they were engaged. Jackson told Susan he needed more from her. Carlos could see again. Mrs. McCluskey and Lily Tomlin (her leather-clad sister, Roberta) made plans to go visit the doctor just before he was fried to a crisp. And Warren Schilling threatened Porter. That's all the "previously on" Mary Alice gives us before jumping right in.

She tells us there are important events in the history of every family -- births, deaths, weddings -- as she shows us pictures from Bree's wall. Mary Alice goes on that the one event every family dreads is the moment they meet the in-laws. Bree, standing in front of her picture wall, is being introduced to one Joanna Cassidy (Brenda and Billy's mom on Six Feet Under). Andrew introduces Joanna as "Melina Cominis," so apparently she's supposed to be Greek. Do we even know Alex's last name? If we were told it, I missed that. Melina says hi and thanks Bree for letting her stay there. She can't afford a hotel right now because she was laid off from her job. Bree tells her she's sorry, but Melina says it's okay, because you know what they say: "In a bad economy, the mature cocktail waitress is the first to go." Bree fakes a smile and asks, "Really? They say that?" Well, if they don't, they certainly should, because everyone knows that people only want to be served drinks by the very young and immature.

The boys clear out, so the mothers can get acquainted. Bree makes small talk, but Melina instantly calls Christmas, saying they'll have to split the holidays now. Bree says calling it is not how they decide family holidays. Melina calls Thanksgiving, and is about to call Easter, when Bree finally caves and calls it herself, despite really thinking calling the holidays is the worst way to handle this. The boys walk in right then, and Bree wants to get their input, so Melina leans in close and makes a threat to keep Bree from talking. And Mary Alice is back: "Yes there are important events in the history of every family. Meeting the in-laws is one. The moment you decide to hate them is another." Because, apparently, hating the in-laws is inevitable.

Edie walks out of a home with an "Edie Williams Realty" sign, and past most of the other Wisteria homes as Mary Alice talks about how everyone needs a home and a realtor. As Edie arrives home, Mary Alice finally gets to her point: that you need a lovely home in suburbia so no one will suspect the ugliness going on inside. She forgets to mention that, in this case, even Edie doesn't know from inside the home. Inside, Creepy Dave's rifling through a briefcase filled with prescription bottles. Edie walks in, and he slams it shut quickly. We see that he's all disheveled, what with his loose tie, facial hair, and mussed hair. Edie ignores it and tells him she got the Adams house listing, and asks him to take her out dancing. He says no, he doesn't feel like it. She gets pushy, and he makes a sincere apology, to which Edie replies, "There's something you should know about me: I don't stay unhappy for long." Not that I'm on Creepy Dave's side EVER, but since she doesn't know he's evil, maybe she shouldn't be threatening to cheat on him if he doesn't take her dancing? Seems a little drastic to me.

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Desperate Housewives

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