Desperate Housewives
I Know Things Now

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I Know Things Now

Gabby is dressed and about to head out the door when a yawning, robed Carlos stumbles down from upstairs. Gabby exasperatedly asks him what he's playing at: today is fertility clinic day! Why isn't he ready? With an "aw shoot, is that today?," he turns and runs back up the stairs. Gabby yells after him to "give Xiao Mei a kick in the pants," too.

A few minutes later, Carlos is dressed and washing his hands in the bathroom when a smiling, be-robed Money appears at the door. Carlos, with pre-game cheer: "So, today's the big day. You ready to make a baby?" Money smiles and, surprise, drops her robe. Money whispers that she's "ready," and then prances off to the bedroom. Carlos is stunned. He picks up her robe and follows her into the bedroom. The zany "Who's got a naked girl in his bed? Carlos, Carlos, Carlos!" music swells, and he stands there, gawking at her. Money, with sweet, sweet innocence, asks Carlos to "please be gentle." Then she lifts the covers and gives him another eyeful. Carlos is speechless. Gabby bustles in, and her "hurry up" urgings die on her lips. Carlos: "Hm, ah. I think she's confused about how we're going to make this baby happen." Gabby, wryly: "And were you planning on setting her straight?" Carlos says that it was the "next thing out of [his] mouth," but then his eyes sort of sneak back at look over at Money, and she stares back at him shyly with, perhaps, not quite enough confusion in her eyes. Hm.

Andrew comes into Danielle's room and tries to talk her into Stage 2 of The Unraveling of Hempy: she needs to seal the deal, and go all the way with Hempy, gross. Danielle: "I am not that stupid. Go grind your own ax." The doorbell rings. Andrew: "That's him. I don't have time for this crap. Now strip down to bra and panties, now!" Danielle: "Get out of my room, you psycho!" Andrew, in an ecstasy of sibling frustration, turns and stomps out of the room, but not before taking a bratty little swing at one of Danielle's stuffed animals, which hits Danielle. Ha! (Andrew is a monster.)

Downstairs, Andrew tells Hempy in a bored tone that Bree won't be back for some time, so he might as well not bother hanging around. Hempy, with cheerful friendliness, says that he just wanted to drop by the Perkins brochure before Bree and Andrew take off tomorrow for their tour of the college. Hempy gives a nice little rah-rah about how fantastic the college is, how they're "all about diversity," and Andrew looks likes he's going to just die of not caring. Andrew dismisses Hempy by telling him that he'll tell Bree he stopped by, and Hempy is aaaalmost home free, when he turns at the last minute to apologize for departing so abruptly the other night: "I started to get the feeling that your sister was coming on to me, which was upsetting because--" Andrew, interrupting: "You're a sex addict?" Hempy, surprised: "Your mom told you about that?" Andrew: "Let's just say the word's out. But I'm curious: back in the day, what kind of stuff were you into?" Hempy hems that he's not really all that comfortable talking about that with Andrew, and Andrew lies that the only reason he cares about Hempy's grade on the superfreak scale is because he's worried for his mother's safety. Hempy assures him that he was never into any weird stuff; he just "went through a dark period" in which he slept with a "whole lot of people." Andrew gets that look evil people get when they are suddenly are presented with an opportunity to do something very, very bad. He asks what it is, exactly, that Hempy meant by "people": "It's just that when most guys discuss their conquests, they don't say 'people.'" Hempy laughs a little embarrassedly, and Andrew hastens to put his ill ease at rest: "It's okay. I appreciate the fact that you value diversity." Hempy looks like he's just had the wind knocked out of him, and Andrew cocks his eyebrow with sinister flirtiness.

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Desperate Housewives

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