Desperate Housewives
I Know Things Now

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I Know Things Now

Nighttime at Mike's. Susan knocks at the door: Mike's invited her over for a little confrontation with Oliver PI. Mike introduces Susan to the PI, explaining that the man is in the employ of the heartbroken Edie. Susan looks suitably nervous. Mike tells her that Oliver PI suspects Susan of being Karl's other woman. Susan hems, haws. Oliver PI presses play on a mini tape cassette recorder that's sitting there on the table, and the smarmy voice of Karl can be heard saying, "C'mon, Suze, you know we're meant to be together." And then there's Susan, telling Karl, "Just stop." Susan lies that what they were hearing there was just "Karl being nostalgic." Mike is disappointed. The tape continues, and we hear Karl say, "You said yourself the sex last week was the best you've ever had." Susan immediately downshifts into damage control, rushing first and foremost to explain that, actually, the sex with Karl was not the best she's ever had. In a pleading whisper, she tells Mike, "Obviously, you were the best I've ever had." Oliver PI, with dawning understanding: "That explains the punch in the face." Mike, disgustedly: "You were actually fooling around with Karl behind Edie's back?" Susan rushes to explain the whole thing about how Karl had lied to her about being single, but Mike has had it. Oliver PI interrupts to ask if he can leave now, and Mike invites Susan to leave right along with the PI. Susan is agonized. She rushes to catch up with Oliver PI, and then offers to pay him double whatever Edie's paying for him to not tell Edie about the sexing of Karl. When she hears that Edie's actually paying him $2k, plus expenses, Susan is aghast: "Jeez, I gotta get into real estate." Susan admits to having insufficient funds. Oliver PI waves the tape player in front of her and says that he guesses he'll be handing it over to Edie. Susan makes a comically enthusiastic grab for it and takes off running. Oliver PI, yelling after her: "I have a copy." Dejected Susan returns the tape player to Oliver PI, and then tries a new tactic: this time, she plays on his sympathies, explaining that this news will be like a "nuclear explosion; lives are going to be ruined." Oliver PI agrees to "hold off till Monday," time enough for her to marshal some funds. Susan, worriedly (and, she hopes, winningly): "What if I can't?" Oliver PI mimes a "nuclear explosion" with his hands.

Down at Homeland Security, an official tie guy is explaining to Gabby and Carlos that Money has missed all her "appeal deadlines." Tie Guy explains that the only way she can stay is if she's married to a U.S. citizen, or had a child with one. Gabby, her "idea face" starting to churn: "What if she was pregnant with an American citizen?" Carlos and Gabby exchange a look, and the "every world problem solved with the artificial impregnation of the Chinese maid!" music swells.

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Desperate Housewives




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