The Lecherous Lawyer Bradley and Gabby are at the courthouse. It's forty minutes before Carlos's hearing; the LLB is marching Gabby home so that she can change out of her slutty Solid Gold dancer outfit and into something more sympathetically mother-to-be. Gabby is putting up a stink about how hiding a body such as hers is "never a good idea," and the LLB is pointing out that is, in fact, a good idea when you're trying to come off as "the pregnant, suffering wife, not the cover of Vogue." Suddenly, some guy named "Louis" comes up to them. He's upset with the LLB for filing a restraining order against Louis on behalf of "Crystal." Louis insists that it's all a misunderstanding -- that really he loves Crystal. The LLB: "We all love the pretty ladies at the Stop 'n Shop. But now you've got to love her from fifty yards away." Ha! The LLB tries to walk Gabby away, but Louis trots after them, insisting that the LLB turned Crystal against him. The LLB rather bluntly informs Louis that he's a pathetic stalker. Louis: "Oh yeah? Then why did she ask for my phone number?" The LLB: "She's a cashier. You paid by check. That doesn't make you special." The LLB grabs Gabby again, and they march up the hall. Louis yells at the LLB, all, "Don't you walk away from me!" The LLB exasperatedly turns and says, "This is your problem: you're creepy. Nobody likes you. What you call a conversation the rest of us call harassment. You want a friend? Get a hamster." Which reminds me, did you know that Delia's carries shirts that read "Damn it's good to be a Hamster"? The LLB and Gabby turn away one last time, and Louis totally pulls out a gun and starts shooting. The LLB spins Gabby off to the side of the hall, out of harm's way, as he himself hides behind a bucket full of mops. Miraculously -- either because the LLB's metal briefcase saves him (though there are zero bullet dents in it) or the man's aim is incredibly pathetic -- the LLB survives the attack. Panicked, the man throws the gun at the LLB, and the LLB catches it. So when the police arrive, they mistake him for the shooter, and shoot him in the chest. The LLB collapses to the floor and Gabby screams and crawls over to comfort him.
Episode Report CardEvany: A- | 514 USERS: C+
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