At 4:30, George is tucked in bed. He has no shirt on. Bree is sitting in the same chair George was stalking in before, back when the world was sane and birds still tweeted and cookies didn't taste like sadness. And Bree? Does not look happy. No sir. She looks like she's been crying herself raw. And she's desperately, desperately rubbing her ring finger. Oh man. That wasn't funny!
The LLB arrives at the house of Victoria's Secret. Gabby is wearing nothing but a silky, silky robe and a lilac bra and panties. She knocks LLB down on the bed and whispers how much she wants him, but only on her terms -- namely, they sex and sex and sex it up whenever and wherever, but she stays married to Carlos, given how she's Catholic and uncomfortable with divorce. The LLB tries to be strong. He says no, and retreats to the other side of the bedroom. But his face, it is sweaty. Gabby: "I thought this was what you wanted," gesturing down at her crazy-beautiful body. The LLB slides onto Gabby's bed (at least I think this is Gabby's bed. I don't remember there being a canopy over their bed) and says: "I want all of you. All or nothing." Gabby, sliding onto the bed next to him: "Then it's nothing." The LLB: "So you won't get a divorce, but you'll have an affair." Gabby: "I said I was Catholic, not a fanatic." They do a little dry full-body-massaging, and suddenly the LLB totally agrees to Gabby's terms. He swings her back into a big kiss, and she promptly pokes him in his bullet hole (not a metaphor). He screams in pain, and she calmly informs him that clearly he is not in love with her, because any man truly in love would never agree to a "cheap, illicit affair" with someone he loved. In fact, Carlos's difficulty with sharing her was what extended his prison sentence to eight years! The LLB tries to protest, but she shushes him, saying that what he feels for Gabby is just "lust, mixed with post-traumatic stress." She tells him she will see him in court tomorrow at 10; otherwise, she will have him disbarred for sexual harassment. Clever plan, Gabby. And yet, there'll be exactly zero chance of Carlos believing that you didn't sex LLB now, since that's what Carlos will obviously assume is the only way possible she could have convinced the LLB. Anyway, on to the commercials! (What's this? An actual Victoria's Secret ad? Nicely timed.)
Mike comes over to CreePaul's house to tell him that nobody wants him on Wisteria Lane. Paul scoffs at Mike's threats, saying that Susan also tried to steer him off the scent with her crazy story about sending Zana to Utah. A funny look slithers across Mike's face, and he asks, "What did Susan tell you?"