The Lecherous Lawyer Bradley and Gabby are at the courthouse. It's forty minutes before Carlos's hearing; the LLB is marching Gabby home so that she can change out of her slutty Solid Gold dancer outfit and into something more sympathetically mother-to-be. Gabby is putting up a stink about how hiding a body such as hers is "never a good idea," and the LLB is pointing out that is, in fact, a good idea when you're trying to come off as "the pregnant, suffering wife, not the cover of Vogue." Suddenly, some guy named "Louis" comes up to them. He's upset with the LLB for filing a restraining order against Louis on behalf of "Crystal." Louis insists that it's all a misunderstanding -- that really he loves Crystal. The LLB: "We all love the pretty ladies at the Stop 'n Shop. But now you've got to love her from fifty yards away." Ha! The LLB tries to walk Gabby away, but Louis trots after them, insisting that the LLB turned Crystal against him. The LLB rather bluntly informs Louis that he's a pathetic stalker. Louis: "Oh yeah? Then why did she ask for my phone number?" The LLB: "She's a cashier. You paid by check. That doesn't make you special." The LLB grabs Gabby again, and they march up the hall. Louis yells at the LLB, all, "Don't you walk away from me!" The LLB exasperatedly turns and says, "This is your problem: you're creepy. Nobody likes you. What you call a conversation the rest of us call harassment. You want a friend? Get a hamster." Which reminds me, did you know that Delia's carries shirts that read "Damn it's good to be a Hamster"? The LLB and Gabby turn away one last time, and Louis totally pulls out a gun and starts shooting. The LLB spins Gabby off to the side of the hall, out of harm's way, as he himself hides behind a bucket full of mops. Miraculously -- either because the LLB's metal briefcase saves him (though there are zero bullet dents in it) or the man's aim is incredibly pathetic -- the LLB survives the attack. Panicked, the man throws the gun at the LLB, and the LLB catches it. So when the police arrive, they mistake him for the shooter, and shoot him in the chest. The LLB collapses to the floor and Gabby screams and crawls over to comfort him.
CreePaul is out in front of his house, mowing his lawn right there in front of god, Bree, Gabby, and everyone. MAVO says some shit about weeds, and how hard they are to get rid of. Much like CreePaul! The two Wisteria ladies are talking to each other on the phone about the brazen sight that is CreePaul. They speculate about whether the police ought to be called, and are just about ready to call 911 when Susan's car rolls up. She gets out and yanks a great number of grocery bags out of the trunk -- more than, I'm guessing, someone of her diminished stature and muscle mass could handle with as much ease as she's experiencing, which makes the bags look very prop-y. Susan turns with her bags and gets her first eyeful of Creep. The bags, as is their destiny, go crashing to the sidewalk. A lone can rolls across the street, and CreePaul stops it with his foot. With menace in his eyes and maybe also in his heart, throat, penis, and shoes, CreePaul picks up the can and crosses the street. Susan launches her patented "stunned babble," and manages to ask him something along the lines of "Why are you here?" CreePaul tells her that this is his home and that he's come to find his son. He tries to hand her the pie filling (pie, don't tell me Skeletal Susan's eating...oh, I give up), but she freaks out and starts yelling, telling him to "put that pie filling down. Slowly!" CreePaul keeps talking to her calmly, but Susan scrambles for her purse, saying she's going to call 911. Gabby and Bree arrive, and stand protectively in front of Susan. Aw! The ladies tell CreePaul that they know what he did to Mrs. Huber, and that they've called the police. CreePaul: "I see you've all turned into Susan while I've been gone." Ha! The police arrive, along with half the neighborhood. The neighbors buzz and titter about how scary it is to have been living alongside a killer, and Edie proudly declares that she not only lived in CreePaul's midst: she made out with him, too. Susan spills the story about how CreePaul confessed to her boyfriend Mike that he's a murderer, and that her boyfriend Mike has Mrs. Huber's diary, which corroborates the whole story. CreePaul dismissively requests permission to get started with his raking. Susan, the policeman, and the rest of the neighborhood head over to Mike's.