Desperate Housewives
I Wish I Could Forget You

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I Wish I Could Forget You

Gabby visits the LLB in the hospital. She is wearing a strange pink tank top that is split up the front but tied together with four separate bows that allow alternating patches of bare chest flesh to peek through. It is, perhaps, not the most platonic top ever. The LLB wears nothing but a gown and lots of crisscrossing bandaging that somehow still allows his right nipple to wink through. Gabby discovers that the LLB has no friends: it's been two days since the shooting, and she's his first visitor. Really, not one of his many past conquests cares enough that he's been shot? He must have a nasty habit of ending things badly. His co-workers have sent flowers, but they arrived along with a card that reads "Who knew you could actually bleed. Sincerely, Your Stunned Co-Workers." I guess we're supposed to feel sorry for him, but I feel kind of neutral. Gabby asks if he's going to eat his lunch, and the LLB says somewhat pathetically that he can't cut it due to his sling. Gabby: "Well, we're not going to let you starve to death. Besides, you're going to need your strength to get my husband out of jail." She starts cutting up his food, and he confesses to her that, while waiting for the ambulance, he seriously thought he was going to die, and how scared he was. Gabby says something noncommittal, like "of course you were," and the LLB tenderly thanks her for not making fun of him. She says, "Sure," and then "open up," and she spoons some food into his mouth, and he receives the bite with that weird "eye contact!" forced sexiness that some European men get out on the dance floor.

Lynette arrives at work wearing a frumpy grey suit, and is confronted with the disquieting sight of an entire horde of well-dressed clients, all milling about in the conference room. So she sneaks back to her car, grabs the white suit (which is bagged up and ready for returning), and tiptoes back to the office bathroom. MAVO advises us of the department store's ten-day return policy as Lynette does some MacGyvering with paperclip, which she uses to attach the jacket's price tag to its lining. (Lynette, just in case anyone's wondering, is a size 4P. ["P? She looks pretty tall to me." -- Wing Chun]) As she walks out of the bathroom, she encounters Bossy Boobs, who makes a pointed comment about how cute it is that Lynette went out and bought a suit: "I'm flattered, really. I mean...who knew that you cared so much about what I think." Lynette tries to pretend she doesn't know what Bossy's talking about, so Bossy clarifies her point, and ends with a super-mean little "dance puppet, dance" whisper-sing, to help further articulate the subservient nature of their relationship. Lynette tries to deny that she bought the suit in response to Bossy's bitchy comments, saying that she merely forgot she had it. Bossy is understandably incredulous that Lynette had been sitting on this fantastic suit all along, but she gives a "huh, okay" kind of nod, and they head into the meeting. Lynette starts in with her Karamov vodka pitch (apparently the new tagline is "Get ready," which is idiotic, and yet...kind of speaks to the implied rollercoaster that vodka does on so many occasions set into motion). Lynette's immediately ass-deep in her pitch, all "mind share" and "persuasive engineering," when Bossy stops her. Apparently, Lynette didn't realize that the skirt had its own tag, which is hanging out the back. Bossy reaches around Lynette and rips of the tag, and Lynette gives a goosed kind of jump. Cringe! Bossy turns to the clients and tells them, "Look at that, everybody: Lynette just bought herself a beautiful brand-new suit. Doesn't she look great?" The room remains totally silent as Bossy returns to her chair. Finally, Bossy tells Lynette to "go on," and Lynette jolts into action.

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Desperate Housewives

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