There are a few reveals worked into this "what if?" episode, the biggest one being that Karl died. While we're waiting to find that out, though, Susan imagines what her life would have been like if she hadn't left Karl when she found out he cheated. We flash into the la-la land, and he kept on cheating. She got fat, Mike slipped through her fingers -- proving himself to be a little shallow, possibly -- and then Karl left her anyway. When she was finally told Karl had died, she could only feel grateful about the life she'd chosen. Bree, who had some minor scrapes from the plane crash, drifted off after finding out Karl had died into her own "what if?" -- this one about what if he'd lived. Turns out he also would have cheated on her, and Orson would have died of a broken heart, pining for Bree up to the end of his life. She wakes up and asks the doctor how he is, but he might be paralyzed. At least he's alive, though. I was not going to be happy if we ended up with more Karl and less Orson.
Angie's "what if?" is the most revelatory, because she isn't sure if Mona's going to die (which is silly, considering she was hit by a plane, but it's just a plot device, so let's not dwell). She imagines what will happen if Mona recovers, and it's not pretty. She gets arrested, we find out her last name is really De Luca, and that her former lover, Patrick Logan, was all in charge and she could go free if she'd give him up. He's more scary to her than jail, though, so she ends up getting life in prison for whatever she did, which left someone dead. Danny watches her trial, but Nick's not there, because he's in his own trouble for his involvement in whatever sort of terrorism it was. When she stops imagining, though, she finds out Mona's dead. Which, in some ways, moves us backward in furthering this plot line, but I'll take it because I like Drea De Matteo, and didn't like Mona.
Gaby thinks God saved Celia (using Lynette as his instrument) because she's "special." Gaby imagines that she might be special as an actress, and dreams a "what if?" in which she makes Celia's life miserable and pushes Carlos away by auditioning Celia for everything. She ages 50 years in the next 20, and is sad and miserable, so when she wakes up, she tells Carlos that Celia doesn't have to do anything to be special. When Lynette saved Celia, she fell and hurt herself, and possibly the babies. Turns out one of them has some problems that will require surgery, and could leave him disabled. Lynette imagines the disabled baby's life, and it starts out kind of terrible with her wanting to give up. But then she helps make him independent and he makes a touching law school graduation speech about her determination. When she wakes up, Tom tells her they lost that baby, but the other one's fine. Gaby brings her flowers and says she's sorry. They both cry and Lynette says his name was going to be Patrick, and he would have been amazing. At Karl's funeral, Susan and Bree are both a little sad, but mostly thankful he's out of their freaking lives for good. Just like we all are.
Previously: Lynette and Gaby got in a fight. So did Karl and Orson. And Mona threatened Angie. Luckily, a plane crash came and solved all of those problems: Lynette saved Gaby's daughter, Celia. Someone died inside the Santa house where Karl and Orson were fighting. Mona got hit by the airplane wing. We pick up tonight with a news anchor reporting from the site of the crash on Wisteria. Mary Alice says that if we watch the news tonight, we'll hear all about a tragedy on the suburban street. We'll get eyewitness accounts (from the Scavo boys). But the account won't tell us who survived, because no one yet knows for sure.
Cut to the hospital, where Susan shows up. Lynette, Tom, Bob, Mrs. McCluskey, Carlos and the Bolens greet her with coffee and explanations (she drove to the hospital after getting a text from Julie). They fill Susan in that Karl is in surgery, and there was a lot of bleeding, so he might not make it. Orson and Mona also are in surgery, but Bree's going to be okay. Celia has a concussion, which prompts Carlos to tell her they owe her everything. It's very sweet. Everyone decides to pray, and once it's silent, Lynette has a pain in her stomach. Mary Alice says the truth is that no one knows who survived, or who didn't. Lynette tells Tom she thinks there's something wrong with the babies. Opening titles.
Mrs. McC asks Susan later if she's heard about Karl. He's still in surgery. Mrs. McC feels like a hypocrite for praying for Karl now, after not speaking to him since he cheated on Susan. Susan says it's complicated for her, too, and Mary Alice leads us into ... not a flashback, not a flashforward, but a "what if" segment that NEVER HAPPENED and NEVER WILL. And it's only the first of several of those this episode, which brings me to my own: What if I didn't have to weecap this episode? Or, even better, what if this show had new writers who wouldn't come up with this kind of boring crap?
Anyway, Susan thinks about her marriage to Karl and how great it was until he became a big cheater. Then she imagines what it would have been like if she hadn't left him for cheating. Susan runs out after Karl, and calls him back. He wonders why, since she just kicked him out. Susan says they owe it to Julie and their 12 years of marriage, but she won't let him touch her, since he's still a pig. She makes him fess up to everyone he's been with since they were married, and he starts listing them. He gets through Brandy, Amber (dental hygienist), Kwan Lee (massage lady), nameless cable installer... when Susan tells him she doesn't actually want to know. She starts eating, and we flash forward to fat Susan. I don't know how they did it, but they even fattened up her legs. And Teri Hatcher looks completely weird in a fat suit. Also, she's wearing a little summery halter top that no person that fat would wear. She's baking cookies, though, of course. Do you get it? All she does is eat her troubles away since she's with Karl. Because he's a pig.