MIKE & SUSAN

Mike: "We have a bunch of money now!"
Susan: "That's better than having sex with you, animated piece of cardboard!"
Mike: "Thanks to your gambling habit, we can afford a husband we both like. And thanks also to our American healthcare system for being the best in the world. In Republican imaginary Fairview, where you come out ahead financially when you get sick, I mean."

Susan: "What are we going to do with all this money?"
Mike: "I'm thinking a subprime loan so we can get our house back."
Susan: "But what about Paul and Felicia?"
Mary Alice: "Yes, Susan Delfino occasionally found her home invaded by household pests, and her manner of dealing with them was..."
Mike: "We don't give a shit about them. Remember?"
Susan: "Oh, quick update..."

Mike: "How about... Maybe moving out of a house filled with memories of Beth would be good for him."
Susan: "Am I supposed to believe that you are suddenly interested in Paul's wellbeing?"
Mike: "On this show, are you kidding? Look, either you're the husband or you're the wife. Either you're the bleeding-heart sucker, or the Fountainhead. Since I'm the man in this relationship, your kindness is clearly misguided."
Susan: "In Fairview, every day is Asshole Day."
Mike, verbatim: "Look, I don't like the guy. I never will. But as long as you're taking him under your wing, why can't we get something out of it?"
Mary Alice: "After all, that's what charity is all about... On Asshole Day!"

CARLOS & JUANITA & CELIA & BREE

Carlos: "Now that I've told you a ridiculous and untrue story about your mom shacking up with a murderer, are you ready to go back home?"
Juanita: "Sure!"

Juanita: "Hey, Celia. Get this."

Back home, Bree -- holding gardening clippers and looking like a crazy Marvel Comics villain -- jumps out of the bushes at them: "Hi, girls! Are you ready to discuss my rules?"
Girls: "Yes, ma'am."