Susan: "Paul, I made you many sandwiches. Some of them have gravel in them, because I am a dolt who cannot make it across the street without fucking something up."

Paul, looking adorable: "Delicious! Now, why are you bugging me this week?"
Susan, verbatim: "You're my new project, Mister! Paul Young 2.0, where we figure out what you are doing with your life. Set some new goals. Now you tried destroying the neighborhood, that didn't work out. What's next?"

(Susan is totally awesome this entire episode. Don't worry, though: She'll be punished horrifically.)

Susan: "Holy SHIT! Felicia Tillman is standing right behind you!"
Paul: "Yeah, she kind of lives here, or something. We have a relationship built on mutual distrust and being hugely broken. You know how Renee and the other bitches you hang out with sometimes have a mutual respect even when they're pulling Edie Britt bullshit on each other? It's like that, only since I'm a man it's worth thinking about."
Felicia: "So, you're making sandwiches now?"
Susan: "I've been practicing, yeah."

Felicia: "And you're doing this for my buddy Paul?"
Susan: "Your buddy that you cut your fingers off to frame for murder?"
Paul & Felicia: "Don't even try to understand. We are on a whole other level than you are, and it'll just fuck up your mind. We have an agreement."
Susan: "You're fucking up my mind!"
Paul & Felicia: (Share a hilarious teamwork glance as Susan goes stumbling out into the street full of shock.)
Felicia: "That kind of thing is going to be happening a whole lot. Now, how about you give momma a footrub?"

SMACK IN THE MIDDLE OF WISTERIA LANE, NATURALLY

Housewives: "So wait, she was Beth's mom?"
Susan: "Yeah, that part, too."
Housewives: "I hate how everybody on this street is a psychotic except us."

Lynette: (Plots the murders of her husband and children on a weekly basis; once invited a gay paramilitary group to start a riot outside her house that left one woman without a working kidney.)

Susan: (Once mailed her husband's child with his first wife all the way to Denver just for looking at her funny; miraculous recovery caused her to develop a gambling problem.)